power and peace and gentleness

Posted on December 18, 2009 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

morning light at KCC

Thank YOU, God, for coming with power and peace and gentleness. You healed a friends broken big toe on Wednesday at our Women’s Prayer Group. And then yesterday You choreographed an amazing prayer “conversation” with two dear friends that left me with “chicken skin”.

You came in “Power and Peace and Gentleness” as my friend said. Thank You!

And now I am FILLED with an overwhelming awareness of HOW MUCH YOU WANT/LONG TO BE ASKED TO COME AND HEAL.

Amazing . . . staggering, actually. How did it happen, God, that this natural clumping together to pray for one another got “lost”? How did it become privatized so that we mostly pray alone FOR others — instead of praying together WITH others?

How indeed! Ah, yes, we are in the Era of the Expert. Professional training and education have been substituted for gifts and callings. Well, I suppose the intention was to ADD THEM ON to gifts and callings.

Or was it Fear? Fear of entrusting ordinary people with an open connection to YOU? OF COURSE! Your Holy Spirit does come in peace and gentleness, but it also comes in POWER. Godly power — even a Female Version of Your Power — is disruptive.

Ah, God, disrupt ME! YES! I say YES to You. (Albeit, with some trepidation . . .)

Posted in being together in a compassionate presence, power and peace and gentleness, the JOY of praying together

The lights of Christmas

Posted on December 17, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

No Christmas tree, yet, and it’s the 17th. This would normally send me into a state of angst, God. But, I might just skip searching for one of the 600 being rushed in and bring down my palm tree. Maybe it was my trip into the rural villages of Swaziland? Could be!

Or, maybe it is having Sandy and Ian here to visit Mom that gives so much richness to my life that tinsel and glitter seem unnecessary? Still, I do love the lights. I prefer the multicolored lights, but they seem to have gone the way of wishing people Merry Christmas. Then again, it isn’t so bad having Christmas fall back into a time for followers of Christ. Not that others are not welcomed!

Hm. Then the white lights wrapped around trees all over town. . . which I LOVE might well be an expression of our human desire and love of light. Are they remnants of the winter solstice celebrations that the Old Ones kept?

I don’t think You mind, God, for You are the Light of the World. You know how important light is to us. . . to us who still do dwell in darkness. Come, please! Enlighten my heart today. Enlighten us ALL with Your Light . . . the very essence of Truth and Love! Please. . .

Tagged with: winter solstice and Christmas
Posted in family visits, the Light of the World, winter solstice celebrations

Waimanalo Morning

Posted on December 16, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sky over Makapu'u Head

Not quite a full day off, God, but still a very good day. Thank You! Ian wanted to go to Waimanalo so Sandy, Ian and I packed up the boogie boards and set out around the south eastern tip of Oahu. It is one of my favorite drives. I sat and watched as Ian enjoyed the small waves that lifted him up and down and once in a while moved him in . . . bringing him joy. Hard not to be joyful . . . so much beauty . . . every direction called for photos. . . called forth delight.

Later Ian and I went to Zippys and I talked about my favorite skills. Negotiating — which means you have to know what you want in layers, and means that you have to help the person you are negotiating with understand what they want. God, I love the story of how Abraham bargained with You over Sodom and Gomorra. So, God, if there were 50 righteous men there surely you would spare the city? Right! How about 45? And he persisted all the way down to 10. It turns out You save us all for just ONE righteous man. And You had to provide Him.

So pushy, that Abraham! How you must have loved him — standing there and bargaining with You for that city. Flattering You, too, as I recall. Well, perhaps not flattering You, just reminding You of Your excellent qualities!

Ah, now God, here is this lovely world that You brought into being. Such a beautiful world. And it was YOUR idea to entrust it to us. You were the one who decided to trust us with free will. . . letting us disobey You and go on our merry way. Surely then, YOU will not leave us to ruin it? Surely, You who created it will put Your Thumb on the scale, so to speak and help? AND HOW WOULD YOU LEARN IF I REMOVED PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY? Sigh, how indeed. . . . . . But, God, I HAVE LEARNED! What I’ve learned is — WE NEED HELP! Please?

Posted in appreciation, beauty, embedded in God's Time, negotiating

On not working

Posted on December 15, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Farmers' Market at KCC

You were RIGHT, God! (Such surprise I’m showing!) I did REST yesterday, instead of beginning a fight against all the stuff out of place and all the tasks whining to be done. This lovely image from Saturday’s trip to the Farmers’ Market seems the most restful image I could find. The people and the shopping lie ahead — but I have paused to appreciate Your Light on the grass.

PAUSING? Pausing to appreciate? Is this part of what You had in mind when you commanded us to refrain from working one day a week? Sandy and I bought a jamba juice for my mom and then played scrabble with her. We were not purposeful until we went to see Mavis together and then I mostly listened and entered into Sandy’s World. Ah, the BENEFITS of a third party being present. We open different doorways with different people. And it was a gift to be there — listening — and joining in.

There was such acceptance and compassion in that room — both very healing, very helpful. We need help. And we need help in finding help. Mavis asked if we could find an expert to help Ian manage his fears. Sandy hasn’t been able to find one. Or rather, the “experts” just told them how it could be done, but they didn’t walk with them in the doing and redoing of it. And perhaps that will be the way it is. Still, please help us, God, in searching for help.

It was a very special day, God. And, if I had pursued my “work” activities — even just tidying and putting away — I would have missed it. So, stopping, putting down my daily diversions, resting — was key to my entering more fully into YOUR presence… Your presence as “third person” in our lives — filling our lives with acceptance and compassion. Thank You! Oh, and YES, I might want to do this again. Wanting might be more helpful than I realize. Thanks!

Posted in A weekly day of rest, asking for help for myself, being together in a compassionate presence, putting down daily diversions, refraining from work, Wanting a protected time

Safe and Sound

Posted on December 14, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Thank YOU, God! Another marathon has come and gone and Kit is alive and well! He is even happy with his time of 4:22 as it makes him 10th out of 200 in the 70-74 age group AND in his own age group of 75-79 he thinks he is second. That is, if they notice that the one listed as second didn’t hit the mat out in Hawaii Kai.

I am VERY thankful! And it hits me that a marathon is an excellent example of self-induced stress. For Kit it is entirely voluntary! He doesn’t have to run it. And as for my stress? It is just based on the few times some “healthy” person does drop dead during a marathon. I suppose there is more real risk in driving down to the starting line. Still, I don’t want to lose him! Indeed I don’t! But the STRESS is mostly in my MIND. It is in a mental construct that I created. Shoot! What a bummer to actually accept responsibility for the stress in my life. And, then, to go even further and realize that I have authority over the fears in my life, too. Yes, even the hidden fears! . . . But then here comes the thought that this is GOOD NEWS! I can clean up my mind, clean up my emotions, just like I can clean up my office. CAN is, of course, the operative word, God.

Yes, You have given me authority and responsibility. I am intended to be Queen of my Life. But, I have this sneaking suspicion that while I may be Queen, YOU are the HIGH KING. Gosh, God, it all seems very feudal. But I like having YOU there to help. . . to send in reinforcements. . . to counsel and advise. . . even to tell me to stop and turn around. Well, yes, I don’t like that last part in practice. But, I know, I KNOW that keeping the Sabbath is what makes it possible to keep the other nine commandments. So, once again, I hear You say: SO DO IT! AURGH! HELP!

Posted in authority over my life, God as High King, putting pressure on ourselves, Queen of my Life, stopping

Kit’s running a marathon, God

Posted on December 13, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Kit running in our Mango Days Fun Run this August.

Here he is, God! And he is running this morning in the Honolulu Marathon. OK, OK, You know this already. And You don’t need a photo to keep Your eye on him. That’s GOOD! Actually, I would appreciate Your help in seeing him run by at our 16 mile marker at the end of our street. I do so want some good photos.

Really, what I want is for him to finish safe and sound! There is excitement involved in his running. And I am proud of him. But, there is also a certain amount of stress. Sigh. You bring to mind women whose husbands are in Iraq or Afghanistan or maybe are police or fire fighters. This stress is pretty small and the temptation is to minimize mine. But everyone’s cup overflows and I need to appreciate and care for myself AND THEN care and appreciate for my “neighbors”. (Note to self: eating a Costco ice cream bar for dinner is not self care.) This putting myself FIRST is IMPORTANT, isn’t it? Important for long term service and compassion. Putting myself and my family first? I think of the hard time that many preacher’s kids have — and it seems missionary kids, too. Is it hard to see YOU as present, when the parents are “absent”?

I suppose, God, that BOTH AND is sort of advanced? I mean, it is so easy to fall off into EITHER this OR that — Me ME ME or endless self sacrifice that burns people out AND burns out and up those around them. Yes, it isn’t easy. But it is well worth learning. Sandy was talking about the problem with the word TRYING (which we use when we don’t fully plan on doing something). Maybe learning is a better word? To me it means I expect to fail repeatedly but that I am committed to persisting until I am doing it. And that reminds me that my tea is waiting for me. Ah, just hot enough! Where I was going — or meandering toward — is the idea that we need help. I still don’t have a Spiritual Director. Although I am seeing Mavis and it is a real help to hear myself talk and talk — and ask or be asked an occasional question. Now here is a question from You — have you ACCEPTED that you need help? Or is needing help still vaguely shameful and embarrassing? GET OVER IT! ASK FOR HELP, AND ASK FOR YOURSELF! Yes, God, that DOES sound as if it comes from YOU! Thus begins, or continues . . . humility . . . thank YOU!

Tagged with: living a Both And life, self care as maintenance, self care involves compassion and humility
Posted in accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, self care as maintenance, self care as self compassion and humility, the difficulty of doing Both And, trying vs learning

Casting my cares on God

Posted on December 12, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Fireworks on Marathon Morning 5:00 a.m.

Yes, God! The Honolulu Marathon is tomorrow! Less than 24 hours away. Please take good care of Kit! Keep him safe and well — and if he places in his age group, even better! But, most of all I want him safe. Hm. Cool would be really nice — good running weather. Or is that asking for too much? It feels as if we should keep our requests small — as if we are rationed and if we waste it on small stuff we won’t have any left for the BIG stuff. But, what if YOU WANT to be ASKED? Asked to HEAL and CLEANSE and FORGIVE?

Thank you, God, for yesterday and the conversations — and prayers — the sacred spaces. Hearing and Speaking in YOUR invited presence is an incredible JOY! You are always present. But there is something tangible in Your Invited Presence. It makes me feel as if YOU get JOY from being INVITED IN to HEAL and HELP. Of COURSE YOU DO! It is Your NATURE.

So, right now, here, I invite You IN. After a request for tomorrow and a thank You for yesterday let me BE in the NOW. Kit is stretching in front of the TV and I have on headsets and I’m listening to the sound of rain — rain that falls on the just and the unjust — a sign of Your LOVE and CARE. So, here I am lifting up family and friends — one by one — for help and healing. WHAT? Start with myself? Start and END with myself? That’s NOT piggy, but humble and real? And I hear You say, YOU NEED IT! Wow! You really do WANT to heal and cleanse and help! So, please God, here I am — help me hear You saying — go back to bed. Rest and REJOICE. NOW!

Posted in acknowledging my need for prayer, intentional and invited sacred space, sacred space

The gift of Hope

Posted on December 11, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Up in the middle of the night — Please, God, help me go back to sleep. Hold off the swarm of things WANTING to be done. Let me enter into Your DEEP rest of sleep. Amen!

I’m back, God, after a lovely deep sleep. But before I slept I read and responded to an email on the importance of having good food to make the ARV (AIDS medication) work for you instead of against you. It seems that the layers of helping orphans in Swaziland goes deeper and deeper. Everything IS connected to everything else, isn’t it! Thank you for letting me help — for adding my carrot to the soup.

Somehow, looking at this photo my brother sent me of this deer in his front yard, I am mindful of Your Provision for us and for the other Creatures. We have been given the position of Children — but we are still Your Creation. The trouble is, God, we seem to be action like children, and not grownups.

Yes, You’ve noticed, haven’t You. And, I can feel inside of myself the buffeting of discouragement. Give up — curl up — do nothing. . . these gusts of hopelessness are from a DARK PLACE. But they make me understand the essential nature of HOPE. Indeed, they make me see that HOPE is truly a GIFT FROM YOU! Is it hope that sends the deer out into the snow looking for edible twigs? Hope that is inextricably woven into our Life Force?

Ah, we do not venture out into the snow of reality without You and the help of Your Spirit, do we God. You have given us the gift of life and with it the gift of HOPE. Now, please God, give us gifts of wisdom and knowledge to act as You would have us act. Oh! It isn’t JUST wisdom and knowledge, You say. There are little matters like MY getting good nutrition and enough sleep and a weekly Day of Rest. Shoot, I am hearing DO WHAT YOU KNOW! Then come and ask to know more. Sigh. . . thank You. I think You call that being HUMBLE.

Posted in A weekly day of rest, God's Provision, gusts of discouragement, gusts of hopelessness, Hope as a gift from God, the cold snow of reality, the essential nature of hope

Hearing myself and others

Posted on December 10, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Toy Soldiers outside my Mom's retirement residence

I love it when I get up before the birds, God. I love it when it is dark and quiet and still.

Maybe because it is easier to hear You in the silence? Or maybe because it is just so very peaceful. YOUR PEACE. For one thing, today is one of my WANTA BE sabbath days — when I don’t do business. It leaves me free to visit with friends and really HEAR them.

As I went home last night from visiting with Mom (Marjorie the First) I was struck by the LIGHTS. I don’t usually visit that late so I was surprised by the Christmas lights. And I thought about how You came as Light so that the people who dwelt in Darkness would see a Great Light. Sigh. We have created our own lights and distract ourselves, don’t we. And I am sitting in front of one of our manmade lights — my computer screen. Yet, none of these things need keep us from SEEING YOU.

Your coming was also announced as the WORD. And now I am smiling. I love words. Centering Prayer, where one sits in Your Presence and remains silent — letting all thoughts pass through — has been very helpful. And, God, it is true that You are most here in my pauses between words. But yesterday I was struck at how important it is for us to speak. To speak our hopes and our fears — to speak forth on our own behalf. YOU DIDN’T, did You. And now thoughts are tumbling out and about. So please help me here. When I say SPEAK ON OUR OWN BEHALF — I don’t mean argue. I don’t mean plead. I don’t mean blame. I mean to speak my heart truth with dignity and self respect and compassion. THAT IS PART OF LOVING MYSELF. Ah, yes. Back on the question of what does it mean to love ourselves — and then to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. HEAR THEM! HEAR YOURSELF! All RIGHT!

Posted in A weekly day of rest, friends, hearing myself, recovery time, relationships

Loving myself first?

Posted on December 8, 2009 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A good morning, indeed! Sleeping in . . . staying home. The day is sunny and bright. I can, if I want to, go and have lunch at the Blu Water Grill and look out at the marina and Koko Crater.

It is the best of days . . . in that I am not putting any pressure on myself.
And, as soon as I type that, I think, THAT’S RIGHT! I am the one putting pressure on myself. Hm. Does that come from school? Is that where we begin the pressure to “do well”? And then I bump up against the definition of DOING WELL. Standards and norms and expectations.

Please, God, help me with this. I can sort of see that pressure is related to hoped for outcomes — in school a grade, a position, or a degree — but again it is the attached outcome that motivates us. Does it go back wanting to please our parents? And how about pleasing YOU?

The Great Commandment is to Love the Lord our God with all our hearts and minds and strength. AND TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR AS OURSELVES. Ah, but the Daily Details! Now THERE is a book! But, that’s a copout,isn’t it. OK! Help me here with a few details: Loving You 1) desiring to spend time with YOU. 2) wanting to bring You Joy because it brings me joy. 3) respecting You and staying on Your Path.

Interesting. I had started out with acknowledging Your existence but then I thought that really has nothing to do with LOVE. Because one can acknowledge the existence of an enemy . . . But when we get into loving our neighbor and ourselves it might very well start with acknowledging their existence . . . as in being willing to look upon the faces of orphan children in Swaziland. . . . as in calling my Mom . . . as in writing a Thank You Note . . . as in sharing a meal.

Sigh, perhaps love is as simple as in sitting here at my computer and trying to hear You and myself. Could be, couldn’t it. Thanks for the company and the LOVE!

Tagged with: bringing God joy, looking at the daily details of love, taking off the pressure
Posted in acknowledging another's existence, calling my mom, hearing myself, putting pressure on ourselves, The daily details of love, writing a thank you note