Good Evening God,
Having my false self stripped away . . . layer by layer . . . has given me a semi joyful acceptance of my True Self. I am thankful to be me — but I am aware that I make “mistakes” or “fall short” the way Pig Pen attracts dirt.
I am rueful. But, accepting. That doesn’t mean that I don’t get up, clean up and try to pick up the mess around me. I do. It just means that it is all there the next day. But, there is an immense freedom and peace in accepting myself as I am. Human. . . as in humus . . . as in the dirt of the earth from which we came.
And, as I engage in Centering Prayer I try to be open to Your Indwelling Spirit . . . open to its action within me. Perhaps that has helped with my mostly good-humored acceptance of myself? It seems to me that I was expending quite a bit of energy in keeping from even seeing my short-comings.
Although, most of that kind of energy goes to keeping me from seeing, accepting and working with my Shadow Parts. Shadows: those aspects of myself that I despise in others. Indeed, that is such a great way of locating our Shadows! Just see what truly upsets you in others!
As I do that I try to extend compassion to myself and then to others.
Compassion, and understanding seem to help with all sorts of trials and traumas. And as Pema Chondron has observed we are always in motion. Part of the grand flow of life. Your Grand River of Life that carries us all along.
I’ve always loved Pig Pen! I called Sandy yesterday to wish her a Happy Birthday and we lamented the racism riots. I told her I always feel extra guilty about racism because of my southern roots…. then we talked about her being a “Cleanie” and I said my mother would look at my chairs full of junk and say I was living like “Poor white trash” and she said that’s a racist comment. Ah me! Collective guilt! I like your word humus. Blessings and love, ML