Plumerias and Asking for Help

PlumeriasGood Day, God!

This is the week of Kit’s 65 Punahou Reunion and we were all given yellow plumeria leis at the Kapuna Luncheon. For years we all MADE leis. And they were mostly plumeria.  I think, God, I still have the long lei stringing needles. But, now we buy leis.

I’m thinking about this because some of the class members are going to want to toss flowers of remembrance into the ocean this Sunday. (Note to self . . . go on walk and gather plumerias to take.) Gather is a euphemism . . . because we have no neighbors with trees. . . no one we can ask. So I will look for neglected trees . . .

But, that brings up a topic from this morning . . . HOW DO I  get myself to ask for help? Hmm, actually, God, the real problem is: how do I know that I need help. Sigh.

I have over-embraced my people’s culture of self sufficiency . . . of doing my duty . . . of carrying on . . .  And all of this without even considering if asking for help might be a really good idea. Darn! 

This came to a head this morning when I got cross at our wonderful oldest daughter for getting cross at me (I felt) for eating junk. After a few volleys back and forth elicited some self pity from me I heard her say, “But, I didn’t know! You didn’t tell me!”  I hadn’t. It never occurred to me. I was too busy leaping tall buildings . . . sort of . . . to even consider how I was doing.

But, today I took a step forward! I asked her to call me if she noticed that I hadn’t contacted her for two days! To call and gently but firmly ask “How are you doing, Mom?” She has agreed! The mechanism is in place — now all I have to do is figure out how to humbly check on my inner states.

Practice . . . Practice . . . Practice!

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Posted in accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, connecting, daughters, Humility or Needing Help!, Pride, Self Care, self care as self compassion and humility, Self sufficiency

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