Good Evening, God!
I noticed I haven’t done a blog since April 9th . . . and I guess partly that’s been because my life has been FULL and partly because I’ve had my mind focused on Kit’s running the Boston Marathon tomorrow! VERY focused!
Actually, scared and stressed might be better words. The stress was so overwhelming that I asked for friends to pray for me — pray specifically for my stress level to decrease. I think I have mentioned, God, that I am a Very Proud Person. Sigh. So part of me wants to deny even that I am afraid, let alone ASK for help!
C. S. Lewis was right when he said Pride was the worst sin of all — because it separates us from God, other people, and in my case, even from parts of myself.
Fortunately I went to see my Spiritual Director the day before we flew off to Boston. What might be the purpose of fear, she asked. NO PURPOSE!, I cried. I just want to get rid of it! We went back and forth a few times and finally she said, “If Fear had a purpose what might it be?”
Sigh. Immediately I could see myself as a Horse with Fear as the Rider — using sharp spurs — but the Fear was trying to direct me into God’s Barn. Your “barn,” God. And when I got in there I felt salve being put on my wounds and Someone giving me a hug around my neck and mane.
I burst out laughing! You might think I would know enough — Trust Enough — to trot into Your Barn without Fear riding me. But, then, maybe not. I’m so very, very human. But I do know that I want to stay in Your Barn all day tomorrow — cheering for Kit — while “holding Your Hand.”