Good Day, God!
I have been thinking a lot about aimlessness. My church’s statement of faith talks about aimlessness and sin. And my Left Brain does think aimlessness is a kind of sin. My concern about aimlessness arose while I was home sick.
“Ah”, I thought, “I’m not finished transitioning from work into retirement!” It has been one year now, God. One year since I let go of “external goals and purposes.”
Then, after discussing my sense of aimlessness with June, my spiritual director, I decided to reframe it as floating.
I like floating, God. In fact, when I am in the ocean I spend a fair bit of time floating and admiring the fish. I am not a purposeful swimmer. I don’t log miles. I don’t take photos. I don’t even get much exercise. I mostly float and enjoy.
That is pretty much where I am now in my life.
I’m floating and enjoying what’s going on around me. Not that I enjoy everything. I worry a bit about my mother. I won’t have her forever. In fact, I won’t be here forever, either. These are sobering thoughts. But necessary thoughts.
And by chance I am reading a book that shines an almost holy light on these thoughts of life and death. The book is God’s Hotel: A Doctor, a Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Heart of Medicine by Dr. Victoria Sweet. Stories about her patients put my tiny problems into a healing perspective. And her affirmation about our body’s desire and ability to heal are encouraging. She says that a first step is to remove what gets in the way of healing.
Please, God. Help me recognize and remove what gets in the way of healing.