Aimlessness vs Floating

Boats floating in the water off of Waikiki

Good Day, God!

I have been thinking a lot about aimlessness. My church’s statement of faith talks about aimlessness and sin. And my Left Brain does think aimlessness is a kind of sin. My concern about aimlessness arose while I was home sick.

“Ah”, I thought,  “I’m not finished transitioning from work into retirement!” It has been one year now, God. One year since I let go of “external goals and purposes.”

Then, after discussing my sense of aimlessness with June, my spiritual director, I decided to reframe it as floating.

I like floating, God. In fact, when I am in the ocean I spend a fair bit of time floating and admiring the fish. I am not a purposeful swimmer. I don’t log miles. I don’t take photos. I don’t even get much exercise. I mostly float and enjoy.

That is pretty much where I am now in my life.

God’s Hotel: A Doctor, a Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Heart of Medicine

I’m floating and enjoying what’s going on around me. Not that I enjoy everything. I worry a bit about my mother. I won’t have her forever. In fact, I won’t be here forever, either. These are sobering thoughts. But necessary thoughts.

And by chance I am reading a book that shines an almost holy light on these  thoughts of life and death.  The book is God’s Hotel: A Doctor, a Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Heart of Medicine by Dr. Victoria Sweet.  Stories about her patients put my tiny problems into a healing perspective. And her affirmation about our body’s desire and ability to heal are encouraging. She says that a first step is to remove what gets in the way of healing.

Please, God. Help me recognize and remove what gets in the way of  healing.

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Posted in Books, Changing, Cherishing our Bodies, healing, health, Transitions

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