Storytellers vs. journalists; moths vs. bats

Posted on November 7, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

My husband, Kit, the Journalist & Bat

Good Morning, God!

Look at this wonderful man, my husband Kit! A GOOD man, God! And, rather more importantly for this story, he is also a very good journalist. Accuracy is his passion.

I, however, am a Story Teller. Accuracy for Story Tellers is more of an inconvenience than a passion. A few days ago he read one of my blogs and pointed out that I had been 20 when we married, not 21 — and a mother at 21 not 22. He, of course, was right. I hadn’t bothered to do the math — or even work hard at remembering.

Story telling is an Art. It demands a sense of rhythm — a sense of Timing. Story Tellers do not like being interrupted in mid-story for a factual correction.

But, then, Journalist do not like “Factual Distortions.” Really, God, that is what he called them yesterday when I was describing this Difference!

Ah, but I love it, God! Discovering a Difference is like locating a Land Mine on our interpersonal maps. We will still step on it. And it may or may not explode. But, at least, I will know What Happened and Why! Knowing what our differences are is a vast comfort.

I’m thinking back to the difference in our physiological light gathering capacities. For YEARS Kit would be upset that I was “wasting electricity” by “having every light in the house on!” It’s true, God! I did leave lights on. Kit can SEE in the (almost) dark, and I CANNOT. Discovering that I was a Moth and he was a Bat gave Kit a way to understand me — as opposed to trying to change me. [Click here for the story of the Woman Who Loved Light.]

Being Different, God, is so much better than being Wrong!

Tagged with: a passion for accuracy, creativity, mapping our interpersonal differences, story tellers vs journalists
Posted in Communication, connections, Diversity, gender universes

Changing my questions and my Heart

Posted on November 6, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

Good Morning, God!

Somehow, in the change over to my new iPhone I stumbled into listening to this book again. I enjoyed hearing it — even for the second time. I found I needed reminding. Such a simple concept, God. But, so easily forgotten.

Am I in Learner mode? Or am I in Judger mode? Not, judger as discerning. Judger as JUDGMENTAL! It is perfectly clear to me that a judgmental attitude is neither pleasant nor productive. It is just very tempting.

In stressful situations the first response is to ask, “WHO DID THIS?” Who can we blame?

What we need to be asking are “Learner” questions. How did it happen? What can we do about it? Hmm. Maybe, God, it isn’t so much the questions as the Tone of Voice and Body Language. We humans are very sensitive to the unspoken attitudes of those around us.

Gosh, God! It just came to me that You must be TOTALLY sensitive to our attitudes. Yikes! No wonder You ask us to offer up the sacrifice of PRAISE. Praise being among other things, Trust made Audible. You do look on our Hearts.

A peaceful,Q trusting heart — full of praise and thanksgiving — must delight You. Right now my heart feels more like someone just dumped out a can of “pickup sticks.” Jumbled and at Cross Purposes!

It’s not that I don’t know how fortunate I am. I do! But, so many people are not so fortunate. Sometimes, God, the Pain and Suffering washes me out to sea. I want the lonely and the hurting to know You Love them. I want the hungry fed and the children protected.

So, God, today help me reach out. Help me bring canned goods to church. Help me to let You listen through my ears and give through my purse. Help me love.

Tagged with: Change Your Questions, Changing into Learners, Heart Reconstruction
Posted in a hand up, Abundant Life, learning, LOVE, Peace, Possibilities

Brussels Sprouts and the Business of Becoming

Posted on November 5, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A brussels sprouts stock

Good Morning, God!

The thing about brussels sprouts, God, is that they KNOW when they are done. But for us humans it seems a lot more complex.

Twenty-one is the mythical age of maturity. I was married at 20 and a mother by 21 and I felt I was completely grown up. Oh my!

And now, God? Now, I can see and feel just how far I am from being “done.” And, even as I sigh, I think GOOD! It is good that I am not done . . . that You are not done with me.

This is both “good” and “scary.” Growth opportunities are not like classes we can sign up for — read the course description — decide if we want to take it. No, God, they usually come wrapped in traumas or disappointments or draining emotional situations — unavoidable situations.

Once again, I am reminded of my dad telling me that “Life isn’t supposed to be easy.” For example, asking for patience will only get us plunged into situations that try our patience. And, when I ponder what growing towards up means to me now — I think, becoming more compassionate? More loving? More honest and assertive? All of the above? Only, of course, it isn’t about “acquiring virtues”, is it God. It is about balancing and managing our diverse qualities — especially our “virtues!” It seems to me, God, that all virtues come in opposable pairs. Sigh.

If I could escape these Growth Opportunities, I probably would. Was it Saint Teresa who said to You, “If this is how You treat Your friends, it is no wonder You have so few of them!” Ah, well, yes. I dare say that is part of why You want us to REST one full day a week. We NEED our rest for this “business of becoming!”

Tagged with: opposable virtues, the business of becoming
Posted in Compassion, growing toward up, Growth Opportunities, Life isn't supposed to be easy.

On Being HOME

Posted on November 4, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Dining at the Yummy Korean BBQ on the Marina my first night home.

Good Morning, God

HOME is an under-utilized resource! At least, MY Home is. (Kit would remind me, God, that it is OUR Home. But, I am thinking of my portion of it . . . not wanting to drag his portion into my judgmental statement.)

That statement — that our home is “under-utilized” — just popped out. I need to hear — and consider — what I mean by it. Actually, God, right now I am feeling underutilized. I suppose that is part of the post-retirement thing? Or maybe, it is the deceleration from the on-the-go trip?

Yesterday felt like a Day to Lie Fallow! Vague thoughts of cleaning my car and bringing up my palms from the car port came . . . and went. But, then after a brief nap, I bestirred myself and finished the laundry, cleaned the car, and brought up my palms, visited with my Mom and came home and cooked dinner.

Mostly, though, I didn’t do much. I read and napped and did some Centering Prayer. I love this slow, relaxed pace, God! Yes, I probably do “owe” You a sizable number of Sabbaths. Actually, I like the idea of having a fair bit of Lying Fallow to do. Only, of course, Lying Fallow is about NOT doing.

I’m really thankful for this gift of Time, God. Maybe I will even use some of it to consider what a utilized home and life might look like. But, not yet. First I will reach out and embrace — resting and restoring.

Tagged with: going slow, lying fallow, resting, sabbath days
Posted in rest, sabbath rest, self care as self compassion and humility, setting my life in context, time

Something Meaningful To Do

Posted on November 3, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sandy in her biking togs holding Patty's photo

Good Morning, God!

This photo of our youngest daughter, Sandy, came in an email saying: “This November 19 I’ll be cycling 85 miles in El Tour de Tucson, in memory of my beloved sister Patty. I’d be so grateful for your support!”

She sent it to me, asking for suggestions about a draft of her solicitation letter. She is seeking donations to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, through its Team in Training program.

But, I took one look at her adorable smiling face and donated! Then I read the text. In it she mentioned that her son Ian at 19 is older than Patty was when she died. A lot happens in 30 years. But, some things change ever so slowly.

This is Sandy’s fifth Team in Training event. Running marathons, cycling 85 miles — this gives her something meaningful to do — a way to respond to the loss of her sister. Gosh, God. That’s really important.

Responding is important. Each of us in our family has responded. Kit compiled Patty’s letters, poems and journal entries into Mango Days. Suzy endured 10+ years of “survivor’s guilt.” Sandy lost her role model and guide and perhaps a bit of ambition, too. That’s why I’m so happy that now Sandy HAS this means of remembering and redeeming her loss.

But, what about me, God? How have I responded? It sounds odd that I don’t know. But, I don’t. Oh, well, yes. I did do a series of mini-stories called “Patty’s Mom.” I don’t think they ever got put onto my webpage. Hey, I did create Never Alone and sent that out into the Teaming Void of Cyberspace.

Thanks, God. For a few moments, I couldn’t think of anything meaningful I had done. It feels good to have done something!

Tagged with: death in the family, loss of a sibling, Mango Days, responding in meaningful ways
Posted in daughters, Responding, the layers of life, time

Writers and Daughters and Visits, Oh My!

Posted on November 2, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking for F. Scott Fitzgerald's home in Encino

Good Morning, God!

This morning Suz will drive me down to the airport for my trip home. I have had my heart and mind stuffed FULL of experiences and I am so thankful, God! Thankful for daughters and grandsons and son’s in law. Thankful for being able to enter into their lives — for their willingness to share.

Being a mother never ends. It morphs, though. At times, I become the child — as Suz urges me to SIT UP STRAIGHT! DON’T HUNCH OVER! I smile and I do “Sit up Straight.” In the past I might have gotten irritated. But, now I realize that when Suz looks at me — she is seeing her future — and she wants it to look good!

Such a responsibility, God, being a Good Role Model! I’m glad it took me so long to realize it. And, I’m glad that we CAN learn from a bad example. Still, we seem designed to “imprint” on our parents. That is humbling . . . and a bit scary.

Perhaps, that’s why it is such a lovely thing when offspring find other role models and heroes. Suz is a writer and has rediscovered F. Scott Fitzgerald. She loved the book Against the Current: As I Remember F. Scott Fitzgerald written by his secretary.

In reading the book, Suz learned that Fitzgerald had lived at 5521 Amestoy St. in Encino. So, yesterday afternoon we set out on a “pilgrimage” to see where he had lived for about two years near the end of his life. Alas, God, there is now a freeway where the house was. Still, Suz and I stood there, close — looking up at some tall trees and thinking how Fitzgerald had seen those same trees. It was a bittersweet moment. One I feel good about sharing with her.

Tagged with: 5521 Amestoy, F. Scott Fitzgerald, family visits, mothers and daughters, role models
Posted in appreciation, daughters, family visits

Et Tu, Fructose?

Posted on November 1, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A glass of orange juice

Good Morning, God!

How long ago was it, God, that I read about how superior fructose was to regular sugar? Am I imagining that? Anyway, the news coming out about the dangers of fructose is unsettling.

At first I thought that this doesn’t affect me all that much personally. Ever since hearing Mayo Clinic urge us to EAT fruit, DON’T DRINK IT, that’s pretty much what we’ve been doing. Kit and I don’t have orange juice for breakfast. After all, when you can have papaya or grapefruit — why would you drink orange juice?

That’s really all I thought about orange juice, God, until I read Tim Ferris’s book, The 4-Hour Body. In the book he lists the stats for his blood tests before and after two weeks of adding 30 oz. of orange juice to his normal diet. YIKES! It was SCARY! All the bad stuff went up and the good stuff went down.

Going online I found a good summary of the problem with fructose, God. You were so smart (DUH!) You packaged the fructose with enough fiber to mostly counteract the impact. But, we have tossed out the fiber and gone straight to the juice. And since fructose is cheaper to make — and companies need more sugar to make low-fat food taste better — it is now in just about everything!

What surprised me in all of this is that fructose 1) doesn’t trigger the hormone leptin, which makes us fill full and 2) has to be processed by the liver. “Fructose is a chronic hepatotoxin — “it’s alcohol without the buzz.” That quote is from Dr. Weeks quoting a talk by Dr. Robert Lustig at the UCSF Medical School.

So, God, fruit without fiber — fructose — isn’t just as bad as regular sugar, it’s worse. A liver toxin! Yikes!

Tagged with: dangers of fructose, Dr. Weeks, fructose and fiber, fructose as a liver toxin
Posted in adoring Easy, choices, food questions, Uncategorized

The Grove — a new kind of Plaza?

Posted on October 31, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Valet Drop Off Area as seen from 5C in the parking lot at the Grove

Good Morning, God!

We are social beings and so congregating is what we do. So, perhaps it is no surprise that I wanted to go to the Grove for dinner. The Grove is a new outdoor and upscale shopping center. It was built right next to the old Farmers’ Market that existed from even before my childhood. Suz scoffs at the Grove — calling it a cross between a mall and Disneyland.

But, it was Suz who pointed out that it now serves the function of an old-world plaza — a gathering place for the community. As I looked around, God, I could see her point. A Christmas Tree was being put up — while several yards further on, a Halloween Pumpkin Patch was being dismantled. Little children in Halloween costumes were still wandering around. All of this activity was going on somewhere between the Apple Store and Nordstrom.

I had wanted to eat at the upscale French restaurant — but, Suz felt she (we) were too exhausted to appreciate it. So off we went to the Farmers’ Market area to order cactus salad. They were OUT of cactus salad which was both a disappointment and a relief. The contrast between the slick new age Grove and the tacky (but, mostly, clean) shops and food stalls of the Farmer’s Market was stark!

Suz pointed out that the most popular food stalls were the all-you-can-eat Brazilian place and the Singaporean food stall. This was NOT the Farmers’ Market of my childhood, God, but rather a Global Eatery. And, if I hadn’t been so tired I would have loved to browse and take photos.

My photo this morning is of the 1% using the valet parking. We had to walk by Rolls Royces, Land Rovers and Bentleys on our way out of the parking structure. Truly, God, the Grove is a meeting place for all ethnicities and all social classes.

Tagged with: a Global Eatery, community gathering places, social beings, The Grove
Posted in a new view of Commons, Abundant Life, people as gifts, seeing, Transitions

Walking, Talking and (a little) Shopping

Posted on October 30, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A house turned into a store on Abbott Kinney Street

Good Morning, God!

Let’s see. Yesterday. Seven Hours of walking, talking and just a little shopping! How does one process that? Or does one? I am thankful with Time with Daughters!

It was a wonderful gift when Sandy parked her car and came in a talked with me — for almost an hour — when she took me to the airport. Being with — Connecting — Hearing and Being Hear. That is the BEST GIFT.

Now I am enjoying that gift with daughter Suzanne. Beginning each day with coffee tasting — two coffees that Suz prepares and sets before me for me to guess what part of the world they come from. That is so like her Dad! And, I enjoy it. In fact, God, it is almost time for that right now.

But, first, God, I want to share with you the very simple pleasure of asking people about themselves. I have been “connecting” with people. The cause of our WALK yesterday was our need to have the rear brakes changed on Suz’s car. Who knew it would take seven hours and not get done! But, no matter! It started with my noticing the photos of two little boys on our assistant’s cubical. That’s was all it took to hear about how he and his wife had fostered them and adopted them and what a joy they were!

It was heart warming to share his joy. And then, as we moved on down Main Street I chatted with a shop owner from Hawaii who’s husband is an artist — looking at a book of his paintings — and hearing about their house by the stream in Kalihi.

It was a Marvelous Day, God! Mother Daughter “Gatherers” out on a seven hour expedition.

Tagged with: Abbott Kinney Street, mother daughter time, Santa Monica, shopping as gathering
Posted in connecting, Conversations, daughters, Hearing, Sharing

Into the Abyss — A Tale of Death, A Tale of Life

Posted on October 29, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Werner Herzog, German film director at the reception following an advanced preview

Good Morning, God!

Suz was lucky enough to be given tickets the night I arrived to an advanced preview of a documentary film
Into the Abyss by Werner Herzog. It’s about a triple homicide in Texas and the execution of one of the two “killers.”

My first thought was “Oh No!” But, Werner is an amazing human being and a trustworthy guide into what did feel like an abyss. His interviews with the people involved were respectful and honest. He let the people — police, families of the victims, and the murderers and their families speak.

The interviews keep replaying in my mind. This morning, I’m “seeing” the one of Fred Allen, a Captain of the Death House in the prison in Texas. His job was to “take care of” the person to be executed in the last 24 hours — and then to preside at the strapping of the person on to the gurney. He said for a while there he was doing 2 executions a week. His last one was the execution of a woman. He told how she had thanked him for being so kind to her.

Oh God, you could see how stricken he was sharing that. Then he talked about how that evening, when he got home after the execution, his body started to shake. He couldn’t stop shaking and he just stood and shook and wept and knew — he couldn’t do it any more.

So often, God, we take things like Capital Punishment and take positions on them involving principles and philosophies. That’s all very well. But the story of Fred Allen seems so much more to the point. Every cell in his body shook and cried out — no more.

Tagged with: capital punishment, Into the Abyss, pre-premier, visceral knowledge, Werner Herzog
Posted in choices, daughters