Draining Pools of Pain

Posted on December 16, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Lake Kokua -- the parking lot that doesn't drain

Good Morning, God!

Coming home from my Wednesday morning Women’s Prayer Group, I noticed the puddles that had formed after the rain. I noticed first the puddles on a baseball field. Dirt is permeable, God. The puddles won’t last very long. The water soaks slowly into the ground and into the aquifer.

Then I drove into the Kokua food co-op. The parking lot had turned into a lake. This time the water will stay, as it has trouble seeping through the asphalt.

I have found that my Heart has asphalt patches — places where hurts and pains don’t drain. I am not alone. Recently, my husband Kit recounted an upsetting incident from this summer. His voice expressed indignation and hurt. The pain had pooled up. This incident had been just rudeness. What do people DO, God, when they have been abandoned or betrayed — deeply hurt?

That was a rhetorical question, God. They suffer! We know full well that we must let go and forgive — drain the pool. Alas, we don’t really know how. Forgiving isn’t a switch we can flip. I guess our mistake is in thinking it could be simple.

I’m sitting here, God, looking at the photo of the flooded parking lot. I’m thinking it needs a drain right in the center — connected to the sewers and then flowing into the ocean. Installing a drain takes hard work and time. Forgiving is like that “drain” — letting the pain go down into Your Heart, God.

You are reminding me that You HAVE told us how to build that necessary “drain”infrastructure: 1) PRAY FOR those who despitefully treat us. 2) BLESS and not to curse. 3) Offer up the sacrifice of praise. Yes, they ALL take hard work and time.

For sure that last one can only be done — through gritted teeth — with Your Help!

Tagged with: Draining our pain, forgiving, Praying for those who have hurt us
Posted in Forgiving, pain, Praise, Sacrifice

We Love, Because He First Loved Us

Posted on December 15, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Yellow Hibiscus

Good Morning, God!

As I was walking up the hill to my car — after taking Mom to the doctor’s — I remembered, “We love, because He first loved us.” I was passing a hedge of yellow hibiscus at the time and the flowers seemed to affirm that love.

Colors! Flowers! Clouds! Sunlight! All reminders that we are loved. And All is Well. As Julian of Norwich said “all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

Calligraphy by Michael Noyes

Not, of course, what we want — or what we would have it be if we were given all sorts of power. But, at its core it is GOOD.

That certainty — and right now, I am certain — helps me see past death and even the wretched illnesses that plague beloved friends. It helps me see a Creation that is Yours. An Open Creation into which You pour LOVE.

I’m smiling right now, God. Thinking of how Steve Jobs last words are supposed to have been “Wow! Wow! Wow!” Moments like this — when it feels as if I can see past death — are incredible gifts.

I remember what a dear friend told me after the death of our daughter Patty. She said, “I would give everything I have to have had Patty for 18 years.” That statement turns reality right side up, God. It changes the focus from losing beloved family members — to the amazing fact that we had them.

It is still hard, God. Indeed, Life often hurts. But, nevertheless, I am thankful. I know that You are Love. Please help us all — to open to You and Your Love — and pass it on.

Tagged with: And all shall be well, At its core the universe is Good
Posted in Life isn't supposed to be easy., LOVE, thankfulness, The Flow of God's Love

‘Tis the Season of Invitations

Posted on December 14, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A View from the Oahu Country Club

Good Morning, God!

The Christmas Season is upon us! With Trees and Greens and Lights — and Invitations!

I was jogging several mornings ago with my beloved husband Kit and we realized we had each accepted different engagements for the same night. The good news is that so far that’s our only conflicted evening.

My first thought was that we could go to both engagements. This is the mindset that leads politicians to appear at three or more events in the same evening. Madness!

It is a very good thing, God, that I cannot be in two places at the same time — or I would be. Oh my! That is the “do everything” part of me. Where is my “executive function,” God? Where, indeed!

Hmph! I think it is still wrestling with the Part that Resists Limits. Sigh. I was hoping that I would — at some point — become wise enough to embrace limits.

Perhaps, it isn’t wisdom but trust that enables one to dwell comfortably within the protective confines of limits? Sabbath days of Not Working. Budgets. Fasting. Tithing. Hmmm.

Yes, You invite me, all of us, to FEAR NOT and to TRUST You. It seems to me to require an awful lot of trusting and not-fearing to keep Your Commandments, God. Putting aside all work for one day a week? However could I get everything DONE? Not that everything ever does “get done.”

Living well does mean living well within our assorted limits. It means having MARGINS in our calendars and in our budgets. Especially in our body’s energy budget. Please help me to say no — realizing that no one is going to miss me that much — or maybe at all.

Tagged with: letting go of doing it all, limits as guard rails, protective limits, the folly of resisting limits
Posted in choices, living within limits, loving limits, Positive Protective Limits

A New Appreciation of Energy and Focus

Posted on December 13, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Very Focused Night Heron

Good Morning, God!

It is Tuesday morning and my brain is back “online.” Now, as I survey the devastation of a “week without picking up,” I am ready to engage.

Maybe even eager? Not quite as focused as this night heron I caught stalking his prey at the Hilton Hawaiian Village yesterday. But ready.

Last night, after coming home from the Outback Steak House, I just fell into bed. Sleep does “knit the raveled sleeve of care,” or recharge the batteries as we say today.

This is a good thing, God. We’re concerned about two wet spots in our carpets at home, apparently due to roof problems — sigh. But, that is something we can get help with. Putting away stuff is our job.

Still, with the stuff, our daughter Sandy is here to help — mostly to help us give things away. I confess, God, that I love things. So, parting with them is difficult. Magazines I haven’t read — or books I have read — pants that used to fit or might fit — all these require an “opening of the hand and heart.”

Hmm. Opening my hands and heart takes energy. Almost everything takes energy, God. Digesting food takes a lot of energy. That may be why rats on a very low-calorie diet live a lot longer. And worrying and fretting [fearing] takes energy, too. You tell us, FEAR NOT! Such good words, God.

However, “Fearing Not”, does require keeping my eyes focused on You. And that takes both energy and intent. The good news is that when I do focus on You, more energy flows into me. The bad news is, I have to remember to do it.

HABITS! I heard that, God! Please help me to build the Healthy Heart Habits of Trust and Connection.

Tagged with: Energy and Focus, Fear Not, the Healthy Heart Habits of Trust and Connection
Posted in connecting, Energy, Habits, Prayer

A Day of Rest

Posted on December 12, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Kit at breakfast -- the morning after the marathon

Good Afternoon, God!

I was way too relaxed to try to write this morning. Relaxed, thankful and perhaps a tad depleted. Also, not willing to tussle with online network problems at the hotel. Funny, God, how cheap hotels provide free wifi — while slightly more upscale hotels charge or, as in this case, fail to provide it at all. Yes, God. You are right. I am still huffy. Sigh. Our daughter Sandy — who came out from Tucson to watch her dad run — has told me to “Let it GO!”

As is often the case, we dislike most in others qualities that we ourselves have. Going “on and on” is surely what I have been doing. Hmmm. A failure to forgive petty matters doesn’t bode will for forgiving larger matters.

Rats! It is always disconcerting to catch a glimpse of myself when I am not “smiling at the camera,” so to speak. Devastating might be a better word — in fact, that is probably the appropriate response. The experience is rather like trying on clothes in a store in front of a three-way mirror — which I happened to do today.

Unfortunately, my Inner Editor does an amazing job of deleting Moments of Awareness from my memory. I guess, God, this is where doing the Prayer of Examine — AND keeping a nightly Examine Journal would be helpful. Of course, I would have to reread it. Ugh!

Tagged with: a moment with God, depleted and grumpy, the prayer of examine
Posted in days of rest as conservation days?, Prayer, seeing, self care as self compassion and humility

MARATHON DAY

Posted on December 11, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Kit coming down the home stretch to the finish line

Good Morning, God!

Our prayers have been answered! Praise You! Kit is alive and well and, although we heard a few ambulance sirens, the rest of the runners are fine. Well, there are still folks coming in. Some of them will need prayers for “recovery.” But all is well.

Kit felt strong all the way through. In fact, he had negative splits, with the second half faster than the first half. His 4 hour and 44 minute time got him second place in his age group.

Meanwhile, God, I have determined that I kind of need my own “support” staff to help me as I “support” Kit. Sandy was a true “Godsend!” She was such a help and comfort the whole time. But, especially, God, as we wondered why we hadn’t seen Kit at mile four at the time we expected. (It took him 7 minutes to get to the Start and we were well past the four mile marker.) There just seemed like a lot more stress this year.

No doubt our “doing” the inspirational talks at the Pasta dinner the night before added to the stress. That went very well with Kit speaking first, Sandy was second, I went third and Kit finished up by telling about the book Mango Days and offering to give a book to anyone who asked.

Sandy’s talk was very moving, God. She really spoke from her heart and I was / am so proud of her! Our message was basically that when horrible things happen — like losing a daughter or sister — the question is, WHAT CAN WE DO TO REDEEM THIS?

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s Team in Training program makes it possible to remember loved ones or honor loved ones while raising money to help fund research. This provides meaningful outlets for people who are in the basically powerless situation of being with beloved family and friends suffering through illnesses. We need more opportunities like that, God!

Posted in grit, Marathons, Meaning

Kit is Running — right now!

Posted on December 11, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God!

Please take good care of Kit! And all the other runners! Please help Kit’s little toe which he bruised yesterday afternoon. No rain this morning! And I have a lovelyvideo of Kit at mile four telling us to “Have a greatbreakfast!”

Sandy is with me!!! Thank You for her being here! I am not handling the stress as well as before. Did I ever handle it well? Maybe not!

Certainly, having the hotel wifi network DOWN hasn’t helped — as I have to use my iPad and haven’t remembered how to load photos.

Well, God, we put Kit in Your Hands! And we will go off to have a great breakfast! More later — networks willing!

Posted in Marathons, Prayer

Out in The Great Outdoors

Posted on December 10, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The almost full moon over the marina in Hawaii Kai

Good Morning, God!

I LOVE Your Light, God. Sunlight through green leaves never fails to fill me with joy. Leaves are alive and yet translucent. Glowing.

Yet, there is a special delight in moonlight. Kit has agreed to take me out to dinner at The Shack in Hawaii Kai on nights just before the full moon. Last night we took our house guests — his brother, Dick, and his wife, Larie — with us.

At first, Dick was appalled at being outside in the cool breeze and concerned about the undeniably dilapidated tables. Consider it “camping,” I said, perhaps, just a bit too firmly. I did have my heart set on eating there. Or, maybe not so much the “eating” as the “being” there.

I can appreciate why the Japanese had “moon viewing porches.” We live so much of our lives indoors, God. And that can’t be Your Design for us. Maybe that is why Kit loves to be out running — rain or shine. And why I take such delight in sitting outside and being aware of the sun setting and the moon rising.

It seems that we need to be out — out in the sun for vitamin D — out with the rest of Creation. Jogging, gardening, walking. Sitting at an outdoor cafe drinking coffee. These are our modern versions of being out foraging for food and bringing back water. Very basic connections with The Greater World.

I enjoy my iPad and my iPhone. They connect me with other people and with assorted aspects of our man-made world. Still, I need to be outside — out in Your World. Please, God, help me remember that.

Tagged with: God's wider Creation, moonlight and moon rise, our need to be outdoors
Posted in appreciation, Light, web of life

Being Handmade — Becoming Ourselves

Posted on December 9, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

More handmade Ocean Creatures

Good Morning, God!

My Introduction to Jewelry Fabrication class is over, and I have to wait until January 24th to make more sea creatures. Only the starfish was made from a clean piece of copper. All the others were found in the scrap bin and worked with.

The top “fish” (in photo at left) was discovered just at the end of the last class. It was just a rectangle with a circular indentation almost in the center. I picked it up and thought — squid? Or maybe barracuda? Off I went to the giant metal cutter to open its mouth and give it a tail. Then the eyes! One for each side. Each eye is different so that the one in the top photo looks sort of aggressive. The other side does look slightly confused.

The other side -- looks slightly confused and slow

I can’t help but notice the spiritual analogy, God. You seem delighted to pick us up out of the “scrap heap” and fashion us into New Creatures. All of us are “handmade,” so to speak.

That’s not what our schools — sometimes even our families — seem to want. A certain uniformity is sought or expected. We are to be bright and shiny — polished and glossy — successful. I suppose that is part of what led to the Grunge and Goth looks.

I don’t think there is a conscious attempt to turn us out like widgets from an assembly line. After all, Creativity is one of our culture’s values — along with novelty. But, that isn’t quite the same as being helped to discover our talents and passions. Or having someone look into us and “see” something that longs to express itself.

You do that, God! You really see us — see what we can become. And You Delight in helping “fabricate” us! Thank YOU!

Tagged with: being helped to find our talents and passions, creating with what is, scrap heaps, seeing potential
Posted in Creating, Discernment, growing toward up, Help me to see

The Beauty of Ordinary Things

Posted on December 8, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Orchid Tree outside of Kokua Coop

Good Morning, God!

The beauty of ordinary things is sometimes overwhelming! My camera didn’t quite capture the beauty of this tree out in back of Kokua Co-op. But I “saw” it. You have put us in a Beautiful World, God. Thank YOU!

I must say, the ordinary things of this world look even brighter after my mother’s trip to the Emergency Room on Monday. I am so thankful that we were able to leave the ER. Mom was able to go home and eat dinner in her own apartment. I’m smiling, God. After eating dinner — after that LONG DAY — she looked at me and asked, “Do you want to play a game of Scrabble?”

An ordinary game of Scrabble. What a marvelous thing that is. But, I confess, God, I wasn’t up to it! I kissed her good night and went home to bed.

I suppose, God, that events like a FALL and Time in the ER serve to highlight the beauty and delight of the “ordinary.” It is so easy to take things and people for granted! I guess, God, that’s because it takes energy to appreciate — to focus our eyes and our hearts — on the people in our lives. Wonderful people. Thank You, God!

Tagged with: a moment with God, it takes energy to focus and appreciate, The beauty of the ordinary
Posted in appreciation, beauty, Families, Perspective