Learning vs Changing

Posted on April 1, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

spider lilies on my morning jog with Kit

spider lilies on Tuesday’s morning jog with Kit

Good Afternoon, God!

Thank You! THANK YOU for the Gift of Life! The gift of sight . . . the gift of my wonderful husband, Kit, who went jogging with me this morning. I went 2 miles . . . aiming for 3 miles one of these days.

Jogging takes discipline . . . Step 1 is just setting aside the time . . .Step 2 is then dressing, and Step 3 is getting started. Huff Puff.

Now on the other hand Learning is FUN. I signed up for 90 minutes at the Open Class at the Apple Store and was able to sign on for another 90. My Brain got so full I thought I should stand up and jump up and down to settle it. I couldn’t go the full 180 minutes but I loved what I did and what I learned

I am struck, God, by the difference between adding vastly enjoyable information to my mind and the effort of changing my behavior — for example, jogging regularly.

I’m using jogging as an example but any change of viewpoint, habit, or attitude is difficult. For example, it is getting close to my bedtime and I need to stop the joy of blogging away and away. I know that if I don’t catch my first wave of sleep — I’ll be up later than I want. I won’t get enough sleep to maintain a loving attitude. Hmm.

So, I will STOP and kiss my wonderful husband Good Night and maybe add to this tomorrow afternoon? I really do WANT to change!

Colors and Connections

Posted on March 28, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Jade vine at the Oahu Country Club

Good Evening, God!

I took this photo a month or so ago at the Oahu Country Club. And I saw the vine again this week — still blooming — if less prolifically. I love it’s rich warm colors.

I’m feeling that You like it when we see and appreciate what’s around us — especially when we see and appreciate the people around us.

Such an appreciation happened the other day. Three of us were gathered for lunch but also for prayer. In my heart I felt that You were there, too — hearing us. And maybe even waiting to be heard?

This is the true essence of Life — that You, God, aka Creator of the Universe, desire to be in our midst and in our hearts. Wow!

So, God, why does it seem that the organized church is busy about other things? Oops! How is it that I am so busy about “other things?”

I think about the AA model: 1) Admit we are helpless over our faults and addictions. 2) Ask The Higher Power (aka, God) to help. 3) Turn our life and our will over to that Higher Power. 4) Make a searching moral inventory of our life. 5) Admit to that Higher Power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6) Be entirely ready to have the Higher Power remove those defects of character. Wow!

That’s just the first six steps. BUT WHAT A BEGINNING! I know, God, that the AA model is just one model for connecting with You. You are always desiring to connect with us — always ready to rush out to meet us — taking 10 steps toward us for every one step we take toward You.

Ah, if only Your desire to Love and Help us was proclaimed from the rooftops!

May it be so!

Tagged with: 12 Step Programs, AA, asking for help, Connecting, Love, seeking
Posted in asking for help for myself, Belonging to each other, Colors, connecting, LOVE, Making Amends, Mistakes, Prayer, Praying together extemporaneously

Wanting, Seeking, Asking — for God’s Help

Posted on March 14, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A detail from Creation by Michelangelo: Adam and God

Good Day, God!

Oh, Michelangelo really nailed it in this painting! In this detail, You are reaching out “purposefully” — intent on making the Connection and giving Adam Life!

Adam, on the other hand, seems almost indifferent. I mean, his hand is out, but it looks limp and listless. Dang! Most of the time that’s me.

You long to help and to heal. And, mostly I’m busy doing something else or maybe just goofing off.

But for the last few weeks I have been part of a group of four friends praying in a highly focused “Season of Prayer.” I’ve taken to phoning the “requesting” person every day to pray. It’s a fantastic experience! And, as You seem to delight in Mutual Blessings, I’m becoming more and more aware of my need for healing in so many areas. I’m beginning to ask for myself, too!

Over the years I’ve prayed with friends fairly often — but there is something qualitatively different about this four-person focused prayer. It’s funny. For years, the four of us have met to celebrate our birthdays. Now we’re humming along on a different plane! It’s like You had given us a powerful Ferrari but we kept it in the garage and only rolled it out 4 or 5 times a year to sit in it.

I wish, God, that EVERYONE had Prayer Friends to join with in Focused Prayer!

Tagged with: Focused Prayer, Prayer Friends, Receiving God's help, Season of Prayer
Posted in connecting, connections, friends, Humility or Needing Help!, letting the Holy Spirit flow through us, Prayer

A Dove in a Time of Turbulence

Posted on March 12, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Dove in a Time of Turbulence

Good Evening, God!

We live in a Time of Turbulence . . . but then most Times are turbulent. Yesterday, I was listing 20 things I wanted to “work on,” and the last one became: “Build more Silence into your day.” That was not from me!

So, when I went out to do my jog, I took my headphone but did not start listening to a book. I chugged along — in silence. Then I thought, I’ll pray for President Putin of Russia! I remember my dear friend and mentor, Marge T., telling me to pray that people would be “surrounded by God’s Love,” so that’s what I prayed for — for Putin.

Being led to do this wasn’t all that surprising. What did surprise me was my next thought– that maybe Russia should become part of the European Union! Was that thought from You, God?

In the midst of all the current ongoing “nationalist fervor,” that idea seems impossible. But, then I thought: Russia should at least be invited. They should be wanted. Do we not realize: Countries often behave very much like individual humans?

We all want to be respected. People who feel disrespected often end up doing dreadful things. Disrespect is only one strand leading to Turbulence. Other strands are: Scapegoating and Projecting our faults onto others; Systematically Demeaning groups of people; and confusing Invasion with Protection.

Sigh. The We/Them Divide is so pernicious.

Well, I’m rambling — probably because I don’t want to admit that I have not prayed for the Assad Brothers in Syria.

Go DO IT, You say. Sigh.

Well, I just did. And I am convicted of my need to pray daily for those in authority — over us, and over others. Fruitful Prayer is not always Easy Prayer. It takes faith. And to pray for peace? That takes a lot of faith.

Please help us!

Tagged with: disrespect, Faith, peace, Prayer, Praying for those in authority, projecting, turbulence
Posted in Faith, Peace, Prayer, respect, responding to God's Spirit, responsibility

The Fragility of Humans — the Power of Love

Posted on March 5, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

My new maidenhair fern sitting on my desk

Good Afternoon, God!

Today is Ash Wednesday and I suppose I should be solemn and focused on Your Sacrifice. But, this has been a Day Filled With Joy!

And, now that I think about it, maybe that is WHY You came — so that we could have Life and have it Abundantly. You say to us Love God, and Love your Neighbor as you Love Yourself.

But, we are fragile — just like this lovely maidenhair fern. And from our days in our mother’s womb we hear voices that are frightened, fearful, or maybe angry. We grow up in families that — at best, tease us — and at worst X us. Then we go to school and learn to conform to the rules . . . being named good or smart if we succeed, bad or dumb if we don’t.

Then, we go to Church and learn to care about the Poor — which we learn means Not Us — and to be humble and self-sacrificing.

So, God, what I am trying to say is — it is really HARD to love ourselves! And, when we judge and condemn ourselves — we then turn and judge and condemn those around us. Sigh.

Now, John told us in 1 John 4:19 “We love because He has first loved us.” And, I am quite certain, God, that You do love us — all of us! Fr. Boyle said in Tattoos on the Heart that a big lie has come into the world — the lie is that some souls are more worthy than other souls. Sigh.

But, God, it is very hard for us to accept the reality that You Love us! We just don’t believe it. Well, maybe in our Heads but not in our Heart or Gut.

Thankfully, You are sneaky! You start us off by telling us to love and care for the Poor . . . and then wait for us to realize that we too, ARE the Poor. Thank You!

Tagged with: damaged hearts, Fr. Boyle, grace, Love, Tattoos on the Heart, undeserved love
Posted in Compassion, Forgiven!, Good News!, LOVE

Blooming — or is it Unfolding?

Posted on March 3, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A spider lily in beginning bloom seen on my morning jog

A spider lily in beginning bloom seen on a morning jog

Good Evening, God!

I looked at this spider lily and thought, Hey! I, too, am in the process of blooming! That is such a hopeful image. Ah, God, You are still wanting to open up parts of me that have been closed off. You are not done with me. You are not done with any of us.

That’s the Good News. The Bad News is that my participation is required. Part of it is my saying Yes — as in SURE God, go ahead, make changes — let’s renovate!

I guess that is a daily, hourly, moment by moment sort of acquiescence — actually more an effortful activity — that a simple yes. Or, at least I wrestle, over and over again, with opening my Heart and Life to You.

Hmm. It is sort of a reverse of Jacob wrestling with The Angel of the Lord. It seems to me that You are the One wanting to Bless me . . . and I just want to “get away.”

Trust is hard — even with a life full of proof of Your Trust worthyness. Still, I fall back into that human condition of desiring Homeostasis — from the Greek for Standing Still. Will I choose changing over staying as I am?

Ah! And having just read that article in Wikipedia I learned that Homeostasis is designed into us. Effective Change is both slow and gradual. That makes such sense. Effectiveness isn’t crash diets — it is learning to eat a little less at every meal.

For most of us, Change is NOT a Road to Damascus Encounter. Rather is is a series of Small Acts of Trust — small yeses — small habits — that help us slowly unfold into the Self You have designed us to be. Thanks for Your Patience, God!

Tagged with: Blooming, Change, Homeostasis, Small Acts, trust, Unfolding
Posted in Changing, Choosing to respond, compassion to care for myself, connecting, decision making, LOVE

Light on Water and Upgrades

Posted on February 23, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

a smaller portion of the Dillingham Fountain with Diamond Head in the background

Good Evening, God!

Oh, the JOY of Light on Water! We humans so totally depend on BOTH sunlight and water . . . perhaps that is why together they elicit such JOY.

Joy is one of the Fruits of the Spirit. And, as such, it doesn’t depend on happiness. I had a marvelous time at church this morning. I had several meaningful conversations afterward — ones where it felt like You were nudging me along. Now THAT is JOY!

Or perhaps my joy stemmed from the fact that I was honest with You last night and told You that I was angry with You. You knew that . . . but I didn’t. I had repressed it. Once I got it up to the surface and felt it . . . it ebbed away.

My complaint is basically that we are a Beta Species. Surely Upgrades are coming? Meanwhile, You point out that our Hardware is adequate but our Software really needs upgrading.

I think I’m running Christian 1.8 and You are offering Christian 3.0. That’s the one where we Praise You for all manner of things — yes, even offering the sacrifice of praise for things we don’t want.

Hmm., that’s also the one where we pray FOR our enemies. Where we feed them and give them drink. Where we Bless and do not curse. Sigh.

Actually, I’m afraid You are offering Jesus 1.0 and that is a really big leap even from Christian 3.0. I think that is the one where we sell all we have and give the money to the poor. Sigh. I don’t even want to want that one. Well, let’s work on getting to Christian 2.0.

Tagged with: beta species, Christian 1.8, grumbling, Joy, upgrades
Posted in Choosing Meaning, clear waterways, connecting, connections, Conversations, Feeling our feelings, Fruit of the Spirit

Perspective — Extending Mine

Posted on February 18, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

At Sandy Beach, looking back at the Blowhole below Koko Crater

Good Afternoon, God!

One of the lovely things about having a dear friend visit is that I get nudged out of my ruts. Today I set out with my friend, Lani, to go to a scheduled pot luck luncheon. We stopped for food at Whole Foods and as we arrived at our destination I began to wonder . . . was THIS the day for the potluck?

It wasn’t. The luncheon is tomorrow. Ah, well, I said — let us go and switch sites and picnic overlooking Hanauma Bay. Once again as we drew near I wondered . . . isn’t it CLOSED on Tuesdays?

It was. Hmmm. But, I gathered myself and said, let’s go sit on a bench at Sandy Beach and eat our lunch there! So we DID! And we even saw a little blue sky! It was enough that it wasn’t raining! I was grateful. Lani was grateful too, as she had flown in Monday from Indiana, rejoicing in being Delivered from the Snowy Hand of Winter!

I sometimes think. God, that Life is mostly about Perspective.

Speaking of Perspective. earlier today I was reading a BBC World News article about the evictions going on in Spain. It seems you can be evicted after missing just one or two payments on a 30 year mortgage. Even after being evicted, you have to keep paying on the loan AND plus penalties. That seems MORE than WRONG, God! Don’t you have something to say about that kind of behavior in the Bible?

Several years ago we “bought” a friend out of Credit Card Hell. She paid us back at a higher interest rate than our money had been getting — which was still 1/5 of what she had been paying. We both won.

Surely, God, the Rights of Ordinary People must be kept in balance with the rights of Corporations. Government, itself, depends on the consent of the Governed! We should ALL remember that . . . and act . . . and pray . . . accordingly.

Tagged with: Balance, compassion, evictions, perspective, Sandy Beach
Posted in Balancing and adjustments, Compassion, connecting, Expand my Heart, Perspective

Beginning Again . . . and again

Posted on February 9, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Ring of Fire, Ring of Life

Good Evening, God!

I am taking a Beginning Watercolors class. . . and I am unlearning more than I am learning. I hope that will change, BUT, I have so much to unlearn!

I no longer have to fill the page with color. Amazing! It reminds me that I can refrain from filling my day, too. Empty Space? Unused Time?

Those concepts do require major and repeated Unlearning!

My next “unlearning” was to stop using the brush as a pencil — instead of using it as a brush. A Pencil is about Control. But my Brush wants to JOIN with me in the painting. We often do that with the people around us, don’t we God, treating people as Pencils and not as Brushes.

Once again, I think of how my Body is now a Full Member of my Grand Alliance. I am growing to see Caring for her as beyond Health or Vanity. My Body is becoming a Valued Colleague. She — like the Brush –wants to cooperate WITH me.

Stitches, by Anne Lamott

Then, of course, God, there is the whole question of Value. Is what I am doing “Art” . . . never mind is it Good Art.

I am mostly able blissfully to ignore that as a question, as I ignore all the little spots and splotches on the painting. I am having FUN and I am quite fond of my Creations. . . as I hope You are of us.

Someone looked at them and said (helpfully) that they would make nice postcards and I could send them off to friends. . . and I thought, egads, let them go? I hope I gave a polite response.

Meanwhile, I just finished Stitches by Anne Lamott which is about Life NOT being perfect. She says, “I forget what a phenomenon this life is, beyond all opinion, category or doctrine.” Yes, God! Life is full of stitches and sketches and moments of awe!

Tagged with: Anne Lamott, Art, creations, Hope and Repair, Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning
Posted in Books, Changing, connecting, Creating, Expand my Heart, learning

Becoming Sturdy

Posted on February 5, 2014 by a moment with god — 2 Comments

A large but young anthurium in our car port garden

Good Evening, God!

Yesterday I found this huge anthurium in our car port garden. It looks full grown (10 inches long) but it is still soft and fragile.

It takes weeks for the anthurium flower to fill in and become strong. That’s sort of like many of us humans, God! We look DONE even while we are still firming up and becoming sturdy. Young adulthood . . . does that go past 35? . . . is a vulnerable time.

Sigh, are we EVER not vulnerable?

After reading books by Brene Brown and listening to her talk The Power of Vulnerability, I realize it takes a lot of “sturdiness” to be vulnerable. Ah, but, vulnerability is best done with folks who are trusted and connected to us. I think, for example of June, my Spiritual Director.

How wonderfully therapeutic it is to share — almost anything — with June. All my diverse parts . . . all my failings and falling short . . . have a safe place to be heard.

With June, I hear myself speaking. And the power of that has ten times the power of “hearing” myself thinking — or even writing things down.

I suspect that is because You want us to connect with one another. I respect and admire June, but there is no hierarchical structure to our time together. There is a Mutuality to the Flow of Your Spirit. After all, God, You are the Head — we are the Body. As we share, we build connections to You and to one another — and we also build connections with our diverse (and sometimes scorned) selves.

We are told to pray in secret — in our prayer closet. But we have the promise that when two or three gather together in Your Name — You will BE THERE WITH THEM.

That is a BIG promise, God! And sometimes I can even “sense” the reality of it. Thank You!