More on my Wife App

Posted on July 10, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Out for a walk with my wonderful husband, Kit

Good Evening, God

A dear friend of mine said that she really didn’t understand the analogy of having a Wife App. And I realized that YES! It must seem really strange to a lot of folks. And that pushed me into pondering just why I was so delighted by it.

First of all, relationships are incredibly complex and so very organic. The longer the relationship, the more the growth of habitual patterns of behavior. “Sponse” and response have been practiced and refined — if not perfected. And when we are IN the relationship we are very much like fish in water. Oblivious to it. And certainly without the idea of altering the environment.

Secondly, long-term relationships are precious. They have a compounded value. And therefore, one is reluctant to “look” at them. More so for a dearly beloved husband. Mostly, one is thankful!

However, when realities change there are stressors applied to the relationship. How do we respond positively? For me, recasting much of my “behavior” as the result of a Wife App gave me a much needed sense of efficacy. Apps are created. They can be adjusted and reset. Indeed, the very concept of having a control spot called Settings was exciting.

Why? Perhaps, because it puts the focus on me and my part in maintaining the health of the relationship. And with that focus comes both an enhanced sense of responsibility and a sense of opportunities waiting to be created.

Then, upon discovering my Wife App, I have become aware that I have other Apps. I have a Self-Care App. . . which right now is suggesting that perhaps it would be a good investment of time to list and diagram as many of my apps as I can find.

All in all, I am grateful for an additional way of “seeing”.

Posted in Balancing and adjustments, Commitments, Communication, connecting, LOVE, My Wife App, Rebalancing, relationships, The daily details of love, the gift of persistent love

I learn more about PDST

Posted on July 9, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God

I’m back on the topic of how to treat Post Traumatic Stress. Once again, I am listening to Bessel van der Kolk.

Let me just lay out what I have learned. First, traumatic stress an affront or shock to the Limbic System. The limbic system is on also known as the paleo mammalian cortex. And sits above the brain stem and on both sides of the thalamus. (The only part I recognized was the amygdala.)

This older part of our brain supports functions including “emotion, behavior, motivation, long-term memory, and olfaction.^[2] Emotional life is largely housed in the limbic system, and it critically aids the formation of memories.”

According to Dr. van der Kolk, healing this area involves calming the limbic system. Behaviors that calm the limbic system can help with PTSD. One method is EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). The therapist or individual recalls distressing images while generating side-to-side movements or finger tapping.

Other activities that calm the limbic system are: touch, rhythmic movement, physical action and activities that help put us in “tune” with others. Even working on a theatre project seems to help. One proponent of this Somatic approach is Peter Levine.

One striking point Dr. Bessel van der Kolk made was that — if during a traumatic event we can move — the event gets processed. He used the example people running/struggling toward home after the 9/11 attack. The fact that they could move away from danger and toward the safety of home helped tremendously.

ONE LAST POINT: Dr. van der Kolk said that trauma that happens as an adult . . . or as a discrete incident is easier to treat than the ongoing trauma of childhood abuse and injuries. Having an unsafe and unloved childhood makes for a different kind of trauma. But that is a whole other disaster.

Tagged with: keep trying other ways
Posted in Compassion, connecting, healing, health, learning, LOVE, Persistence, self-compassion, so much to learn, the gift of persistent love

Healing Trauma

Posted on July 8, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God

Yesterday, I was looking for something to counter the TV program my wonderful husband Kit was listening to, when I stumbled on to a talk by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. And I remembered reading his book, The Body Keeps the Score.

Then this morning, while mailing a package at the post office I thought I’d buy some stamps. Looking through the offerings I spotted Healing PTSD. Perfect! More and more, God, I am realizing that post traumatic stress is more prevalent than I’d ever realized. It isn’t just caused by wars . . . or domestic violence. Ordinary aspects of daily life can also impact us — perhaps with ever getting a conscious diagnosis.

For some reason this has captured my interest. Even just a five minute video helps broaden my understanding. This one on how neurofeedback changes the brain was fascinating.

It seems that — as the traumatized area of the brain is calmed — the Executive functions of the brain become stronger. The way to perceive progress is not so much the diminution of fear, but that the mind is able to learn and able to imagine the future.

I wonder, God, if folks who have difficulty accessing their executive functions might have hidden trauma that is impacting them? Right now, I am just thankful to have this area returned to my attention. What it might mean in my life is yet to be discovered.

Posted in connecting

More On My Wife App

Posted on July 7, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God!

The Big Thing I learned today is how extremely fine tuned the Wife App needs to be. My wonderful husband Kit wanted to go for a much longer walk than usual this morning. And I was happy to go with him. But turning toward home I wanted to get home quickly — the day was calling me. Kit said he wanted to be “safe” and go slower. I failed to respond properly to the word “safe”. And so I took off at a jog down the hill — thinking Kit would continue on more leisurely.

WRONG! His Male Pride was triggered! And he tried to keep up. Only to fall at the next to last corner. Actually, he just wanted to keep me in “sight” so he could “protect” me. I understand that with my Heart and love him for it. I just wish it wasn’t so foreign to my world view so I might remember it!

Fortunately, a kind neighbor (a Vietnam vet guy) was also out walking and saw Kit fall. And with great kindness and compassion supported him on the walk home. Truly an angel!

The tricky adjustment to my Wife App was later in the afternoon. Kit came to me dressed for a walk and wanted to know if I was ready! WHAT? REALLY? You are KIDDING!!! But, it was clear he wanted to get back up on the horse that threw him. . . but I was still busy. But, he wanted to go alone.

So, I hovered . . . and asked “What will you do if you feel wobbly?” “Call you!”, Kit said. “Will you you sit down, FIRST?” He smiled. And off he went.

So, God, courage and a healthy self image won out over caution and sensibility.

Posted in asking for help for myself, Balancing and adjustments, balancing free with supported, connecting

I Discover My Wife App

Posted on July 6, 2020 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Good Evening, God

Much to my surprise I discovered recently that I have a Wife App. I noticed it because it seems to be ON more during this lockdown. In fact, I noticed that when my wonderful husband is asleep I have more energy.

Aha! I must be running it in the background all the while he is awake. It is sort of like being “On Call” and indeed, he does call. Now one might wonder how it was that it is only now — as we begin our 62st year of marriage — that I noticed.

Well, I am an extrovert. Mostly, I am busy noticing the outer world. My own dear inner self is still basically uncharted territory.

So it was just last week that I noticed I have another app — the graphic designer app. I was taking one of my husband’s blogs and reformatting it to a paper copy. I LOVE working with graphics!

But, it seems, that my loving easy-going Wife App cannot run at the same time as my Designer App. My designer app is all business — single focused! And, apparently, unaware of kindness or even civility. Ok . . . rude!

And I realized that I am starting to extend my Designer App to select areas of our home. Once again, when that app is running it is best if Kit is napping or asleep for the night. This Designer App is very tightly focused and particular. It is in fact, as close to being a perfectionist as I ever get. Fussy FUSSY!

I’m ever so grateful to have discovered these apps, God. Because, apps have Settings! I can make adjustments! I haven’t figured out just HOW to do that yet. Still, I have hope! And I have a better understanding for what’s going on inside me . . . as I interact with my loving — and thankfully patient –husband.

Please help me, God, as I seek out the many other inner apps I’m running.

Tagged with: Inner Apps, My Designer App, My Wife App
Posted in accepting my ability to REDESIGN, accepting my need for help, adjusting, connecting, developing helpful definitions of love, family, growing toward up, Growth Opportunities, kindness, LOVE, Patience, The daily details of love, the Growth Mindset

A Change of Perspective

Posted on July 5, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God

Today my wonderful husband Kit and I walked up our valley and on the way down paused at the park. I love turning the corner and looking down the valley — because THERE is the ocean! I get a sudden shift in my perspective! Hey! We are on an island!

Of course, God, I “know” we live on an island. But, the reality of it is that my mental map contracts. More so, recently, as we haven’t even gone out in our cars more than once a week. So my day-to-day mental map is SMALL. It is our corner of Hawaii Kai — our neighborhood.

Travel does expand our physical map of the world. Just today I shared a photo of a lovely orchid — and realized that I had taken the photo in the Singapore Botanical Garden. That expanded my perspective!

And prayer can be an excellent expander of perspectives. I was in a difficult meeting in December. It hadn’t gone well. But, I didn’t realize how badly it had gone until April when it became painfully clear that I was now persona non grata. Yikes!

So I began praying about it. And as You know, God, the first week or so was spent reviewing the meeting from my point of view. But, by week three I was beginning to have my perspective expanded. I could see that I had had opportunities to ask for “backstory” or even to ask to pause the meeting for prayer.

Still, it wasn’t until week five of praying that I realized I had made a bad mistake. I had failed my own heart’s desires. All because I hadn’t been able to see and believe that You can use a wide assortment of people. . . not just the kind I had come to expect.

Now I am daring to mail out a letter of apology. Sigh. It seems that enlarging our perspective can come with a certain amount of pain and resistance. But, I feel slightly enlarged and more healthily humble.

Tagged with: difficult relationships, Making Amends, reviewing troubles, soaking in prayer, sorting out the past
Posted in a prayer for healing, acknowledging my need for prayer, Apologies, Communication, confession, Grief, Prayer, Regret -- acknowledging and releasing it, relationships

A True Green Revolution

Posted on July 4, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God

I have been slow to understand . . . slow to see. But first let’s start with One Fact: over 50% of the world’s wealth is controlled by ONE PERCENT of the world population. Then, when you add in bureaucratic corporations and “interlocking” directories, you get a lot of Control. . . . Influence . . .

And, it looks like that has powerfully influenced the way the Federal Government spends money. The small American farmer is in debt and nearing extinction. But Agribusinesses are flourishing. That’s where the “influence” comes from and that is where the money goes.

Not too surprisingly, God, with the money going to corn, soybeans, wheat — and not to green vegetables — our health is suffering. Jamie Oliver has a horrifying TED Talk.

But, God, I believe ALL things are POSSIBLE to You. Here are some things being done that are shared on TED TALKS. Roger Doiron is encouraging us to plant gardens AND to lobby the federal and local governments to support local food production. (That was were the image above came from.) I know this IS happening because my local store keeps running out of bags of organic soil.

Then Britta Riley is sharing a Window Farm movement with her talk on A Garden in My Apartment. And organic farming is producing as much food (after 3 or 4 years) as industrial farming. And without the huge energy input. Industrial Agra-business uses TEN units of energy to produce ONE unit of food. As I look at regenerative farming I learn how it is healing the soil so it can absorb carbon and water the way it is meant to do. The way it has to do if our planet is to survive.

Well, God, I have to go down and water my tomato plants. Please help us read, listen, watch and understand — so we can speak up for Your Planet.

Tagged with: healthy soil absorbing water, improving our health, Saving the Planet, soil health, soil helping to pull down carbon
Posted in Changing, connecting, growing toward up, Regenerative Farming, The difficulty of changing, web of life

Inexpressible: Hesed and the Mystery of God’s Lovingkindness

Posted on July 3, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Inexpressible: Hese and the Mystery of God’s Lovingkindness by Michael Card

Good Evening, God!

Michael Card has written a book exploring the Hebrew word Hesed. This word is used throughout the Bible and it has no simple English definition. So each of the main definitions gets a chapter. I am only in the third chapter — the Slow to Anger aspect of God. But, I was struck by the story of the 12 spies going into the Promised Land to check it out. Two (Caleb and Joshua) came back saying that it was truly a land of milk and honey.

But, ten came back saying that the people in the land are BIG and STRONG and live in fortified cities. Maybe even some were Nephilim (giants and perhaps not fully human.) Those ten spies were scared. And very quickly ALL the people were terrified! They even wanted to select a new leader to take them BACK into slavery in Egypt.

Then God You ask Moses, “How long will these people despise me?” The Hebrew word for despise can also mean abandon. The author says that by “abandoning God we reject him and willfully place ourselves outside of his hesed (lovingkindness.)

WOW! Just recently I have been pondering how it is God, that You wait to be invited in to help us. In Centering Prayer the sacred word is sacred only because it is the SYMBOL of our intention to consent to Your Indwelling Spirit’s presence and action within us. Consent!

Given that line of thinking — I can see that despising — abandoning — doubting You, God — might sort of shut the door on Your helping us. You have given us Free Will. And You seem determined to respect that.

This is making me think.

Tagged with: Free Will, long suffering
Posted in accepting my authority to set limits, accepting my need for help, being a Slow Learner, connecting, LOVE, Patience, Trusting God

The Stories we tell ourselves

Posted on July 2, 2020 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Evening, God!

In the newspaper this morning I read an article about how, since 9/11, there has been a surge in companies offering to train police to be “warriors”. The article quotes from a 2015 Harvard Law Review article by Seth Stoughton.

And it does seem that more and more police are seeing themselves as just that — warriors. As I look at the Riot Gear they are wearing I think . . . gosh, just putting that on would put me in a state of high anxiety. Hmm.

So, it would seem that there has been a shift in the stories the police are telling themselves.

First, let’s be clear. It is a stressful job. And a thankless job. A job in which I would imagine burnout is endemic. In a job where “staying alive” is a daily goal I can see how easy it would be to see the community as potential terrorists. But, that mindset only makes the stress worse. Being a Warrior in and Evil World is an extremely stressful story to tell yourself.

In an article about 9 Tips for Avoiding Officer Burnout . . . tip number 9 is Talk to the people in your community. “You need reinforcement to remind you that the majority of people out there are good, law-abiding people who know you are trying to make things safer,” McKenna says.

So, as we examine the situation maybe we could begin, God, with the stories we tell ourselves — about our “role” and about our “community”. And especially about those people we are being encouraged to label and degrade and project our anger on to. . . Talking together sounds like a good place to begin.

Tagged with: Sharing our stories, The power of Story, The Stories we tell ourselves
Posted in A God given diversity, a new view of Commons, Being With, connecting, Conversations, Empathy, systematic rebuilding required, Talking Together

Filling our Hearts with Love

Posted on July 1, 2020 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Good Evening, God

I’ve joked for years about there being Slow Learners and Non Learners. That’s it. No Fast Learners! At least, not for anything truly important. This is a comfort to me as come to a deeper understanding of something I thought I knew.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against Principalities, against Powers, against the Rulers of the Darkness of this world. . .” Ephesians 6:12

How easy it is, God, to get distracted by the pawns and players and miss that point. Well, easy for me.

And, I would be foolish to think that I haven’t been co-opted from time to time to serve as a pawn. We are complex beings. And these are super complex times. That’s why when I came across this image that Pulelehua sent me — I just had to share it.

I love Centering Prayer and on Monday evenings in the Thomas Keating Chapel at 7:30 p.m. HST (GMT-10) Pulelehua leads us in the Welcoming Prayer. In the Welcoming Prayer we don’t just “consent” to the presence and action of God’s indwelling Spirit within us. We welcome it! This prayer brings my body and Spirit into closer alignment. That is so important as our “educated” world so often devalues the deep value of our bodies — preferring “thinking” almost to the exclusion of feeling and knowing.

Thank You God, for loving us and longing to be invited in to help us in a thousand unseen ways.

Tagged with: Principalities and Powers
Posted in Centering Prayer, connecting, Expand my Heart, Hearts, LOVE, putting down daily diversions, The daily details of love, web of life