Surprise: God wants to Nourish my heart!

Posted on January 27, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Grape arbor on the Mosel River. Photo: by Ann Peters

Well, God, it is good to be reminded that it isn’t just trees that bring forth fruit. Vines do too. In fact, now that I think about it Sequoias don’t even have edible seeds.

And, there I was — evaluating by how useful a plant is to humans. You see things — sequoias, stars, grape vines through Your Eyes, so to speak.

I am sitting here, poised on the edge of asking You WHY sequoias get to live so much longer than we do. But then, I thought about Heaven — or The Here After.

Once again, tripped up by my human perspective. Some how, as Madeleine L’Engle says in her book A Wind In The Door, SIZE DOESN’T MATTER. Size and length of life — wealth and health — all sorts of things don’t seem really to matter. After all, YOU look on THE HEART.

I don’t think we GET IT! If we did get it, if we really understood that You are looking into our HEARTS wouldn’t our lives be different? Wouldn’t small kindnesses seem far more important — more meaningful. Wouldn’t I work at CONFESSING on a regular basis? Work at discarding false values?

Yes! I would EXAMINE my DAY at the end of it. I would be Keeping short accounts with myself and YOU. I would make more room in my life for love — for loving and listening and appreciating. Hmmm. I have this huge one-page-a-day calendar that Suz encouraged me to get. I could use it, couldn’t I. After all, Jesus said it isn’t what goes into us that makes us unclean, but what comes OUT OF US! I could reflect on what’s coming out of me, couldn’t I. . . I might even catch a glimpse of How You See Us. . . or me . . . scary thought.

But that is my human “judging” perspective, isn’t it! YOU LOVE US! YOU WANT TO NOURISH OUR HEARTS! And You want us to join You in nourishing the hearts of those around us too.

Posted in God wants to nourishes us, Help me to see, perspectives

Let all of us – as trees – clap our hands and sing

Posted on January 26, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

monkeypod trees at JAIMS (Japanese American Institute for Management Science)

Good Morning God, It’s the intertwining branches that I love in this photo. They make me think of all the people in our lives – family and friends — and how we intertwine. I love trees. In California I loved the oaks. Here in Hawaii, I love the Monkeypod trees. I love them for the shape of them and their spreading branches reaching out to touch. And their roots touch too!

Just like we are designed to do — reach out and touch others — sharing stories and hearing one another. I wonder if trees talk to each other? When I stand in a grove of Sequoias I am sure they communicate. Well, God, You call the stars by name and aren’t we invited to sing Your praises WITH the Morning Stars? So, perhaps, it isn’t so foolish to think about trees talking.

I have on occasion found myself inviting all the cells in my body to “clap their hands and rejoice” — a good prayer — even if my cells don’t technically have hands. Now, God, I don’t think I have fallen into pantheism. I just think there are more layers to this world than we have been allowed to see. No doubt we are seeing all we can handle. . . actually, probably MORE than we can process. Ah my.

So, then, TODAY? A request for help in PROCESSING? I think of Psalm One — verse three and I would love to apply it to myself: I shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth fruit in season; my leaf also shall not wither . . .

I AM planted by the Rivers of Water — Your Love. And how joyful is the Hope of bringing forth fruit — and having leaves always fresh and not withered — YES! You will notice, God, that I omitted the last phrase about prospering. My culture has made that all about money — and I am pretty sure that the old word meant far more than money. Help us to rediscover, God, the TRUE meaning of prosper! Then, help us to DO IT!

Posted in being planted, clapping our hands in joy, connecting, connections, Conversations, Uncategorized, water and love

Bagpipers Piping in my Sabbath

Posted on January 25, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

bagpiper with the Celtic Pipes and Drums of Hawaii

What a lovely Sabbath Day I had yesterday, God. And, if I think of the day as the old people did, as starting at first star, then my Sabbath began on Saturday evening with bagpipes and drums. Kit and I managed — helping each other — to get into our kilts and then drove off to pick up our friend Lois for the annual Bobbie Burns Dinner.

Lots of bagpiping which I love — and songs by Kalani Brady — and Terance Knapp, too! Good company and good food — no scotch and no pretending to like that stuff by having a wee sip. I finally figured out the those that like it WANT my share.

Somewhat to my surprise I found I was continuing to “tidy” in the morning after coming back from the 7:00 a.m. church service. I had to make an effort to refrain. I must say, separating Work from Non Work, was made easier by the list of Positive Reinforcers that I had made the day before. If it made that list then I am tentatively labeling it as Not Work.

I did drive over to play scrabble with my Mom. And I can see why the rabbis said No Driving! I like driving and don’t think of it as stressful but it does rev up the system. Makes me think of all the families walking to temple in LA. How much easier to keep the Sabbath as part of a People.

I understand, God, that part of the benefit of Sabbath keeping is learning to STOP working, even when NOT DONE. Because, of course, we are never DONE. But I will confess that I worked HARD on Saturday to GET READY! Having my office and paper room tidy made it so much easier to REFRAIN from working. But enough of my thoughts, what I really want to say is THANK YOU!

And, what do You know! Fasting and Sabbath Keeping are RELATED aren’t they! Surprise! I hadn’t seen that until just now! So doing One will help with the Other. Yes, God! Everything IS connected to everything else!

Posted in A weekly day of rest, authority over my life, clean and tidy, refraining from work, stopping

A Gold Star Day

Posted on January 24, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Yesterday, was a Gold Star Day, God! Thank YOU! When I went out for my morning jog the sky was filled with fluffy pink cotton ball clouds. I was so excited that I got my camera and SPRINTED down to the end of the block so I could see more sky — our ridge blocks most of the early morning sun. (And, yes, I FEEL the racing muscles reminding me they need more exercise!)

Then it was walk the rest of the way — taking photo after photo —
and just as I reached the turn around point — there was the sun
peeking over Koko Crater!

What a GLORIOUS DISPLAY! THANK YOU!

Then after a trip to the Farmers Market with a huge fresh coconut to drink — it was home to work on developing a better structure for my life.

Actually, that went well too. I found that there are LOTS of POSITIVE REINFORCERS in my life that I hadn’t noticed — hadn’t named. What a surprise!
So I listed them — then listed what I wanted to work on — and next created a task list where I worked for 15 minutes — then did a positive reinforcer for 10 minutes. The work time was too short, but I wanted to practice SWITCHING back and forth — getting the feel of it. And the day went well!

So here I sit in an office that is tidy — and the PAPER ROOM, the room I took ALL my paper piles into — is almost done. Well, the dregs are always the hardest part. Dregs being stuff with no clear home — but not quite trash. Hmmm. Maybe I need to redefine trash? Learn to let go?

But that is for ANOTHER DAY! Today is a DAY OF REST. A DAY OF RELAXATION. A DAY OF GOING SLOW. A DAY OF CONNECTING WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS. A DAY OF APPRECIATION. A DAY OF GRATITUDE. And, now, God, as You suggest, I am going back to bed.

Posted in A weekly day of rest, accepting my authority to set limits, authority over my life, beauty

Aurf! Dog training and Me

Posted on January 23, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

seen going into Barnes and Noble

All creatures, great and small — You made them all. Other living creatures are a mystery to us, God. Well, actually other humans are a mystery — and come to think of it, I am pretty much a mystery to myself as well.

Now TODAY is the Day I plan of taking First Steps in RESTRUCTURING my life. I like that word as it implies “control” without actually saying it. Control is right down there with Discipline. No wonder my girls didn’t like it either. Somehow the idea of working long and hard when moved by interest or obsession or even duty is appealing. But sitting and filing and categorizing has not yet been RETHOUGHT and RENAMED so as to be compelling.

Does it HAVE to be compelling? Some very important things are just done — matter of factly and without fan fair — they are hardly noticed. Remember FLOSSING? My goodness what resistance and fuss you made about NOT DOING IT. Then when you snuck it in while reading you barely noticed it. OK, Matter Of Factness is one key.

Then there is Sandy’s comment about I CAN DO ONE SITUP! SMALL DOABLE GOALS.

Next there is counting — usually what we measure — we do more of. I need to go get a box of GOLD STARS!

And last (for this morning, anyway) there is RENAMING. Dog training (animal training) used to be about MASTERY! Breaking the horse’s will — pulling on the dogs choke chain. NO WONDER I DIDN’T LIKE THE IDEA OF TRAINING! But now, starting when they were training killer whales, the idea is cooperation! Getting the animal to learn new things with positive reinforcement — and using LRS (Least Reaction Stimula) when there is an undesirable action, to avoid reinforcing that action.

OK! They can train DOGS! I bet we can “train” me! And it had better be a WE, God, or . . . I will be laboring in vain.

Yes, I hear You. YOU have been EAGER AND WILLING FOR YEARS!!!!! OK! Or, rather, THANKS!

Posted in a series of molts and upgrades, accepting my authority to set limits, accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, authority over my life, being a beginner, compassion to care for myself, days of rest as conservation days?, self care as self compassion and humility, The daily details of love, Uncategorized

Raining, reigning and restructuring

Posted on January 23, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sky over Hawaii Kai Dog Park

Ah, God, You send the clouds as well as the sun. Clouds that bring rain — or maybe just a cooling passing shadow. Rain water is truly a gift. And You make it to fall on the Just and the Unjust. Such loving provision You make for us.

You have sure been sending the rain to California. My brother has more than six inches up in Grass Valley and down near L.A. they are evacuating people near the fire swept mountains. There aren’t enough bushes and plants to absorb the rain. Last year felt like that to me. LOTS OF GOOD GIFTS AND EVENTS RAINING DOWN ON ME. There just didn’t seem to be enough of me to ABSORB the gifts — YES, I hear You. It wasn’t that there were too many gifts – it was that I had been and continued to be TOO BUSY to focus on receiving.

Sleep. Rest. Lazying around. I don’t need to be Productive to be loved — to have value. One day in seven given over to NOT working. Given over to being WITH family and friends. Devoted to letting the Rain Soak Into Me. Seeping down deep — in to the dry places.

I could accept that fact that You have given my life to me as a gift — and I am to REIGN over my life. I am to be a steward — a compassionate and wise ruler — accepting my need for limits and rest. And accepting my need to exercise courage and grit and stretch.

The trouble is — I get a LOT of positive reinforcement — from myself and others from doing. I can SEE what I have done — and even more fun is NOT SEEING piles put away. But when I rest I can’t see all the rebuilding and rearranging and cleaning that YOU are doing inside me. I have to take it on TRUST!

TRUST! Well, that makes it clear! I can TRUST YOU and set about restructuring my life so I can live an ABUNDANT LIFE. Or, I can keep on being busy with the Good and miss the BEST and Being BLEST! Hey! I CAN DO THIS! I CAN! I can analyze this and CREATE both positive and negative reinforcements. Yes, I can — but WILL I DO IT? Will I reign? Or let habits and old patterns rule? Will I ask for and accept HELP?

YOU TELL US — CHOOSE LIFE! Well, God, You do a GREAT JOB of making this CLEAR! Thank You!

Posted in A weekly day of rest, accepting my authority to set limits, accepting my need for help, asking for help for myself, authority over my life, choosing HARD, Queen of my Life, refraining from work, systematic rebuilding required

New Beginnings in how we THINK, especially about school

Posted on January 21, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Setting sun -- just before the Green Flash

Good Morning, God, and thanks again and again for this world we live in. Thank you for opportunities to listen — to ourselves, our family, our friends, AND maybe even someday to those we consider enemies — or at least WRONG. New Beginnings, GOD! We need New Beginnings.

The first time I went out in an outrigger canoe I said WHY ARE WE TRYING TO KEEP KIDS IN SCHOOL DURING THE DAY — WHEN THEY COULD BE OUT HERE!

Then I read in Three Cups of Tea how children in the mountains of Badakhshan were sitting on the frozen ground practicing their lessons in the dirt. They WANTED to learn.

So here, God, is a PLEA for a New Beginning in how we think about and present to children / people the whole idea of EDUCATION.

We ALL need HELP, here. PLEASE! And help ME this morning as I listen . . . THANKS!

Posted in being a beginner, education, systematic rebuilding required

Sunsets and Helpful “Hards”

Posted on January 20, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

sailboat off of Waikiki

Thank You, God, for sunsets — for night coming. This photo was taken yesterday evening after a Celebration of Lives Well Lived — a service for the Lindquists – two of Kit’s Punahou classmates. Saying Goodbye is important and theraputic — reminder that Sunset comes for us all.

And it is also an opportunity to connect with friends as we did before the Celebration. A chance to value and appreciate what we have. A prompt to be thankful.

Going back to sunsets — we see so much further at night. Light takes 8 minutes to reach us from our sun. Light takes years and years to reach us from the stars.

Hard times help us see, if not further, at least more clearly. When we were in our earthquake (Sylmar 1971) our walls came down and our pantry was filled a foot high with broken dishes and jars and stuff. But I was SO THANKFUL that we and all our neighbors were ALIVE that I didn’t give it a thought. Normally a pantry filled with broken jars and dishes would be upsetting. But when our world is shaken — like a terrier shakes a rat — then we know just how fragile life is. Fragile and temporary. Broken dishes — even possible broken bones — become as nothing.

Perspective! Perspective is a wonderful gift, but usually one we have to work for. The view from the mountain top is fantastic — but the climb up is hard. Hmmm. Hard. There’s that word again. Yesterday I saw some involuntary Hards — illnesses, etc.

Is it possible, God, to put off the involuntary hard, if we choose wisely on which Hards to undertake? Say, like, exercise? Suddenly LOTS more Helpful Hards spring to mind. YES! Clearly, You call us — command us — to CHOOSE USEFUL HARDS — TO CHOOSE LIFE! Please help me God to choose wisely — help me to notice the choices I do have!

Posted in choosing HARD, Helpful Hards

Choosing Hard — And Embracing Humility

Posted on January 19, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

photo from david@davidturnbull.com

Good Morning, God! I loved this photo when it came into my inbox yesterday as part of a blog called The Chill Factor. Kit takes cold showers and has been touting them to me for years — albeit not too obnoxiously. For a while I did END with cold water. It is easier in the summer . . . or when one has come back from a jog. But, the value lies in the fact that it is NOT easy. It is HARD.

And that takes me back to fasting — which is also easier to do after a jog. Hmmm. A jog is hard. Dying to self, is hard. That command has been much in my mind recently, God.

To tell the truth I think that verse and the one in Philippians I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME have been misused. As for the I CAN DO ALL THINGS — I take that to mean all the things YOU have put in my life or called me too. I do NOT take it to mean that I should work (even Your Work) 7 days a week as the norm — or even a frequent exception.

In short, God, I feel that the devil uses those two verses to blind us to our limits and our breaking points. Humility loves / well ACCEPTS / that we are human creatures. . . CREATED by YOU. How humbling is it to come face to face with our need to take time off and recover? Ah. We still have way down deep — or not so deep — the Adam and Eve desire to BE GODS. Or at least Superman — leaping tall buildings in a single bound! Smile . . . I love that too. But I acknowledge that LANDING is a lot harder now. And setting limits for myself is important — OK OK ESSENTIAL!

Ah, God, such a delicate balance between embracing HARD and still ministering to my real human requirements and limits. I do so need YOUR HELP! (Ah, yes, and I need to ask my family and friends for help too!)

So? Maybe this morning, to jog and end with cold water?

Posted in choosing HARD, courage to see myself, humility, Humility or Needing Help!, Life isn't supposed to be easy., recovery time

Making Room for The Best

Posted on January 19, 2010 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

New Moon over the beach at the Hau Tree restaurant

Good Morning God, how utterly lovely sunset was last night. There is something so lovely about a crescent moon set in a colored sky.

We were observing it, paying top dollar, while taking a classmate of Kit’s out for dinner. But, the moon and stars are a free gift to us all. There were people on the beach — who brought their beach chairs and settled in. I like having the beach free.

Dining at an expensive restaurant — expensive for us — makes me think of how we spend money. Kit is no doubt a model of how to spend money — which is, hardly at all on himself — except for running shoes and occasional trips to run marathons.

I, however, am an avid materialist. I LOVE the material world. A world filled with sunsets and iPods, with coconut water and raw macadamia nuts, with foraging trips to Ross’s or — when our daughters are here — Macy’s. I love spending hours looking at books at Barnes and Noble or going to the library. Yes, books are filled with content, and I love ideas, too. But books are also material objects to be held and loved.

But, more and more, I see material objects as Storage Problems! (Except perhaps, for earrings which are small and irresistible.)

The best things in life are free — if we are wise enough to make room for them — friends and family and YOU. Long conversations, shared prayer times, shared adventures and travels, coffee conversations and serendipitous meetings with soon to be friends. And, even, time with just myself. YOU have created a Marvelous World, God! And You have filled it with Wonderful People and such a diversity of Fellow Creatures. THANK YOU!

Posted in avoiding adding storage problems