Inner Healing and Clearing Clutter

Posted on February 9, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A CLEAR and CLEAN dining room table

Good Morning, God!

Our dining room table is clear! For five weeks it was Heaped with PILES of papers and folders and “things to do” that I had carried down from my office. Every time I got close to those heaps and piles — I felt a revulsion! I couldn’t face them!

But, this Monday afternoon, I tipptoed back to a “Blacked Out” period in my early childhood –when I was maybe two years old. I let myself feel the Sorrow and Fear that was hidden there. I felt it and gently named it — out loud, to Mavis my therapist. That’s all I did. It doesn’t sound like much, does it?

But, it seemed to set something free. And it released a lot of energy, too. Because I came home and went right to the piles on the table and started to work! There was eagerness instead of revultion. I worked steadily for over two hours and then more after dinner — and I got up yesterday morning and finished it by noon! Even more amazing than my DOING IT, God, was my ENJOYING IT. Enjoying it? Enjoying doing that sorting and filing? That’s a Miracle, God! THANK YOU!

This whole THING feels more like a Transformation than a Healing. And, God, I confess that part of me thinks that this can’t last! Maybe it was just a temporary “gift” or reinforcement to reward me for going for help? Healing or Transformation — I am grateful!

And way down deep inside me — there is a “comforted” little child — singing softly. And she is grateful, too.

Posted in gratitude, healing, hearing myself, self care as self compassion and humility, thankfulness

Beaver Dams and Inner Healing

Posted on February 8, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Beaver Dam in Tierra Del Fuego

Good Morning, God!

Thank You for yesterday’s session with my therapist, Mavis.

I came home right afterwards and went through my Piles of Paper Stuff — Piles that I had dragged to the dining room table and left there for over a month. I sat there — happily sorting and filing and humming away — for over 2 hours.

It was as if a dam cracked deep inside me, God — letting out energy and apparently washing away any “refusal to file.” How Odd! How Surprising!

My Mind had created its very own Inner Beaver Dam — to keep memories that were too threatening — away. I wasn’t willing or maybe able to process them. The first “clue” for me that I HAD a Dam was the strength of my emotional reaction while listening to MindSight by Daniel Siegel. I had to stop listening. It was too painful. He was talking about how we need to create our own “narrative” for our life. And he was explaining the various ways children and parents attune themselves to one another.

I thought the pain was about my failures as mother. But, as I talked yesterday in the “security of Mavis’s presence” I was able to go back to my very young childhood — and finally noticed a gap in my early memories — a Blacked Out Period.

I still don’t “remember” but I did let myself FEEL the Deep Sorrow of that Time. Then I said, out loud, “there was fear there, too.” That was all the further I could go. But, it was far enough — far enough that I could feel Peace welling up. Peace and a sense of comfort.

Can it be that just that tiny breech in my Inner Dam could have released a flood that is washing away my paper clutter? Thank YOU, God for nudging me to go see Mavis.

Posted in a prayer for healing, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, healing, hearing myself, Hearts, time, Transitions, Trusting God

Raindrops on a Pink Hibiscus

Posted on February 7, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Raindrops on a Pink Hibiscus

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday was The Sabbath Day — I took a friend to the airport, dropped off stuff at Arcadia, went to the 7:00 a.m. service and came home to have breakfast with Kit who had been out running in a race.

That was not, perhaps, the best start for The Sabbath, was it.

Why am I such a busy little bee? The answer FLASHED through my mind, God! I’m a Woman and I hear stuff crying out to be DONE. So, maybe you were just talking to men, God? Quite the contrary — who needs the COMMANDMENT MORE — men or women?

Sigh. Good Point, God. For a while I thought that I could get everything done ahead of time and then relax and enjoy the rest. But, now that I am stopping and pondering it, I can see it isn’t about Being Done. It is about my FOCUS. It is about taking my eye off of the Surrounding Stuff and focusing on the Encircling Cloud of Witnesses and pink hibiscus and Kit.

Do I hear You saying it might also be about my keeping my commitments to myself? Like taking CARE of MYSELF and not imagining that I can Leap Tall Buildings in a Single Bound — like Superman — or superwoman? You mean THAT? Like RESPECTING myself as if I were Someone Else?

The trouble is, God, that I KNOW that both YOU and I will forgive me! Forgiveness doesn’t mean there are no consequences. Oh. I am beginning to see, God, that this is Sabbath business is a FAR more serious matter than I want to realize. Please help me learn to rest, God!

Posted in rest, Rethinking, sabbath rest, sacred space, self care as self compassion and humility

From Neutrinos to Nebulae- and back to giant earthworms

Posted on February 6, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Ring Nebula

Good Morning, God!

Wow! Did I get a lesson in JUST how awesome You are!

Last night I viewed the Scale of the Universe. It is interactive and it starts with humans — in the center — and then the button can be moved left to see things getting smaller — down to Neutrinos. Moving the button to the right and things get larger — all the way up to nebulae and galaxies.

The art is simple, God. Yet the scale is Mind Blowing! I slid up, slowly, looking at the human size things I knew and the places I’d been. Then I moved more quickly — passing the sun and solar system — out to the reaches of our galaxy. I got all the way out to our Local Galactic Group before my mind snapped back.

Going smaller was even harder. Atoms and protons I had heard of. But I’d not heard of the Up and Down Quarks that comprise the proton. Then I learned that there are Preons — the building blocks of quarks. And Neutrinos so small they pass through matter undisturbed. How AWESOME, is Your Creation, God!

But, I have to tell on myself, God. The center point didn’t just have humans. It also mentioned Giant Earthworms up to 7 meters long! The first thing I did after viewing was to Google “giant earthworms.” BLUSH! Then I found a comment on that page saying they had just come from the Scale of the Universe site. I wasn’t alone in the mundane focus of my curiosity!

Ah, God, we ARE most interested in things that are our size — things that we can understand — or at least TRY to understand — and good on us for trying! Thank YOU, God for this World — and this Cosmos!

Posted in a matter of scale, our small blue dot, seeing

Merry-Go-Rounds and Choices

Posted on February 5, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Merry-Go-Round at the Punahou Carnival

Good Morning, God!

We, like half of Honolulu, made our way to the Punahou Carnival last night. It was fun, but my ears are still ringing.

The Carnival is Noise, Extreme Population Density — and Malasadas! I went off my normal eating pattern, yesterday and ate TWO malasadas HOT from the oil. Yum!

Or as one lady said — pointing to the malasada I was eating — THAT is the BEST of all of this!

Personal indulgences come in many forms, God, and most of them seem to leave “stuff” behind — over-crowed fat cells — over-crowded closets — over-crowded Visa bills. As Suz has tried so patiently to explain to me, “Mom, to you, EVERY DAY is SPECIAL, so you can’t use that as an excuse!”

Perhaps, God, I need to redefine “treats?” Explore and find a higher kind of “indulgence?” I am looking up at the Merry-Go-Round and thinking of how I love them. They are MY kind of ride. Joyous — not Thrilling. They are like a Temporary Entrance into an Amped Up Daily Life — cyclical with ups and downs — but all the time with Music and Lights.

Aaah, maybe it is just that I STOP and focus on the Ride! Surely, my daily Life is filled with Music and Lights and Friends Riding With Me!

Did You just remind me that Parallel Universes are not just Scientific Theory? That I have CHOICES — moment by moment — of billions of Parallel Universes? I can choose, can’t I.

Yes, God, You have put into my hands the Power to Choose — to choose what I focus my attention on — to choose how I spend or invest my Time and my Money. Please , God, help me REMEMBER I have CHOICES. Thank You!

Posted in choices, Choosing Meaning, Help me to see

Junk — in Orbit and in Our Hearts

Posted on February 4, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

10 million pieces of Space Junk orbiting Earth

Good Morning, God!

I must say, 10 million pieces of space junk orbiting Earth does seem like a lot. Whatever the number — the junk is extensive enough, now, so that it could disrupt valuable satellites and services.

Year by year, God, stuff builds up! Junk is HARD to get rid of, in Space, in our Homes, and in our Hearts.

As for the Junk in Space — Japan has a Plan. They are putting a wire net up in orbit to catch debris. They are partnering with Nitto Seimo, the company that created knotless fishing nets in 1925. The article in SpaceMart says that “The space net would consist of three layered metal threads, each measuring 1mm diameter (0.03 inch) and intertwined with fibers as thin as human hair.” The net would be about a mile long and the idea is that “as it collects debris the net would become electrically charged and be attracted back to earth by the planet’s magnetic field, causing the net and its contents to safely burn up in the atmosphere.”

It sounds so easy and cleaver, God. But, I confess, just as lost fishing nets entangle ocean creatures, I worry about “lost space nets” doing more damage than the junk they are intended to capture. Unintended consequences proliferate even faster than junk.

And, God, that leads me back to the Invisible Emotional Junk orbiting our Hearts. I was talking with a friend yesterday morning about the difficulties of processing grief. Traumas, Fears, Sorrows all wait — wait years — for us to face them and begin to process them. And, worse even than Space Junk, that Emotional Junk disrupts communication and services. Maybe, God, we need Prayer Nets?

Posted in a prayer for healing, A Spiritual Spring Cleaning, emotional litter

Praying for Egypt and Our World — Tahrir Square and Tiananmen Square

Posted on February 3, 2011 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Tahrir Square, Cairo from the Christian Science Monitor

Good Morning, God!

Egypt needs HELP! We all need help. Our World needs HELP!

People in Power want to stay in power and do not go quietly. And transitions are particularly hard if there has been NO CHANGE for many years.

The Winds of Change can blow many places — places that are scary for those who value stability and predictability.

It seems that China has been censoring the news coming out of Egypt and before that Tunisia. I can understand why. Anarchy and chaos are scary, God. Very scary. Yet, the People in Charge of Stability seem — mostly — to be unable to resist the temptation of Great Wealth.

Ah, the plot thickens, doesn’t it, God. Because extremes of wealth and extremes of poverty don’t make for long term stability. Then, too, there is the problem of what is DONE in Your Name. Or, perhaps, the problem is What is Not Done — in Your Name.

Sigh. I am sighing God — sorrowing — longing for a world of Compassion and Freedom. The difficulty with Freedom is that it needs to be BALANCED with Human Rights. That is, regimes Old Ones or New Ones, must protect the rights of Women and Children. And that is where the Muslim Brotherhood of Egypt may fall short. An Islamist regime in Egypt? A moderate regime? The trouble is Moderates get hit from ALL SIDES!

So, PLEASE GOD, send Your Spirit of Compassion upon the People of Egypt — upon us ALL. Help us to FIND A WAY toward greater Human Rights, greater Freedom, and greater Understanding and mutual Respect. PLEASE!

Posted in Peace, Prayer, Transitions, Understanding

Our Amazing Guts

Posted on February 2, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Noctilucent Clouds are getting brighter

Good Morning, God!

Such an interesting day, yesterday! From the Earth Observatory website I learned that the Noctilucent Clouds are getting brighter! Not a good thing, but surely a beautiful thing.

At the other end — I read a fascinating article in the March issue of Discover magazine entitled The Ecosystem Inside. It began with research on neonatals — wee babes in incubators. They were studying how babies build their bacteria in their gut. Babies pickup over 100 bio-organisms coming down the birth canal. Then more are added from contact with the parents. One of the things they discovered is that generally speaking we NEED a wide variety of organisms in our bowels to do well. Infants given antibiotics for too long have the “good” bacteria wiped out — leaving them easy prey for “bad” bacteria. You did an amazing job orchestrating all of this, God!

One story in the article was of a woman with a life-threatening Colstridium difficile infection. She had a terrible inflammation of her colon and had lost 60 pounds in 8 months. There were no bacteria left in her bowels. What Dr. Khoruts did was mix a small sample of her husband’s stool with a saline solution and injected it into her colon. Within 24 hours the diarrhea had stopped and in a few days the symptoms were gone. A fecal transplant, God! How did the doctor even THINK of that! Those doctors have done another 23 patients — all with dramatic stories.

Another researcher said that antibiotics were like setting off a bomb and hoping not too many good guys got hurt. Perhaps, God, we would be better served to strengthen our bodies’ Friends — rather than trying to kill “enemies.”

Posted in Cherishing our Bodies, complexity, healing, health

Healing Our Hearts

Posted on February 1, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The rising sun as seen on a morning walk

Good Morning, God!

The sun is fully up as I slip into my day. S L O W L Y slide into the Gift of a New Day.

It is tempting to see Life as a repetitious cycle. Each day spent trying to get things done better than the day before — like the movie Ground Hog’s Day. Working on Getting it RIGHT!

Ah, that is such a tempting path — to see life as a Game in which we “get points.” Another view is related — life as School, in which we get grades. Do we pass, or not? Or is there automatic “promotion?”

Let me see, there is also the view of life as Continuous Improvement — fueled by a desire to upgrade my character and nature — or at least my actions.

This morning, God, as I sit here relaxed and peaceful, I am suspecting that Your Plans for us are much simpler — more basic.

Maybe we aren’t so much in School as Planted in an Orchard? Invited to put our Roots down into You — The Ground of Our Being — and let You nourish us and flow through us — bearing fruit in its season.

I like that image. Maybe that is why when I read of invading armies cutting down the fruit trees and salting the ground — I am so grieved. To destroy old olive trees; to cut down fruiting apricot trees; that is to cut at the roots of the Tree of Life.

And if I knew that judgmental thoughts ALSO cut at the roots of the Tree of Life? Would I weep over my own Inner Actions? Would I cease? Please help me, God. Please remove this insect infestation!

Posted in a prayer for healing, an invitation to abundant life, God's Provision, letting the Holy Spirit flow through us, Roots

The Power of the Spoken Word — The King’s Speech

Posted on January 31, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

: King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visiting a bombed part of London

Good Morning, God!

For some reason, yesterday, I asked Kit to take me to see The King’s Speech. We both spent the last 15 minutes of the film with tears in our eyes.

“Good King George” is what the English called their king and now I understand why he so richly deserved that title.

George had a dreadful stammer. He was the “Spare” while Edward, his handsome and socially poised older brother, was the Heir to the Throne. Yet, Edward abdicated “for the woman I love” abandoning, Duty, England, and not least, his brother.

Watching King George (Bertie to his family) struggle to overcome his stammer made me feel I was watching some “cosmic battle” fought on a very small playing field. A stammer seems like such a trivial thing. But, The Voice of The King — ah, THAT was SO IMPORTANT! The movie showed small groups of English gathered around radios HEARING the Voice of their King as he rallied them at the start of that horrible War.

I suspect, God, that many of our seemingly trivial struggles might have “cosmic significance.” Saint Paul says that we war not with the things of this Earth, but with Powers and Principalities. Part of me is quite certain that is true. We are all called to do our part on the small playing fields we have been placed on. Called to struggle with the problems and situations we find ourselves in.

Thank goodness most of us have small venues. I would not want to be King or Queen or President. But I do want to do my Best. And I want to heed and respond to Your Voice, God, The Voice of The King of Kings!

Posted in Choosing to respond, Duty, responding to God's Spirit, responsibility