And whence is Courage . . .

Posted on June 30, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

South Church, Andover: Just before the singing of Patty's poems

Good Morning, God!

I have BEGUN!

The day before yesterday — while I was sitting in Centering Prayer — I realized how FRIGHTENED I was about creating a website for Patty. I had bought the site, Mango-Days.com the day before.

And now, I was terrified of doing a bad job. Frightened of failing to do it “right.” As I sat there — I let the feelings of fear wash through me. Then I thought, “Of course I will not do it well enough! But I will do it!”

Marianne Moore’s lines ran through my heart: And whence is courage . . .that in misfortune, even death, encourages others and in its defeat, stirs the soul to be strong.

So yesterday, I began. Why, God, after years of being thankful to let Kit do everything connected with Patty, have I felt called to share?

I think it is because of “hearing” Patty’s poems sung . . . set to music. The music let me “hear” FEELINGS from deep inside Patty. It was as if Patty, herself, was finally FREE to cry out and fully express herself.

I guess, God, that I have been set free too — or, at least I am BEING set free — slowly, slowly, bit by bit. One of the things I have done — getting ready for the website — is to post a “recitation” of one of Patty’s poems by the beautiful young soprano, Rebekah Alexander. I didn’t use one of the wonderful musical numbers — which will be recorded this July in the NPR studios in Boston –because the musical numbers had a substitute clarinetist playing. . . ah well.

Thank You, God! Thank You for wanting us all to be set free to feel and to share.

Posted in courage, Creating, fears, Feeling our feelings

The Moon and Tides and Drifting

Posted on June 29, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

An almost full moon over Hawaii Kai

Good Morning, God!

I think, today, I shall just go to my Women’s Prayer Group and then come home. I’m amazed that I am not “well” yet! Still, I am better than I was — for which I am thankful, God!

I do have an appointment with my dermatologist in the afternoon. Oh well. Sigh.

DRIFTING through the day, yesterday, was lovely. It was made even easier because Kit, too, is under the weather — with vertigo. So, we have been home, together.

A dear friend likes to speak of “puttering” about the house, but this has been several gears down from puttering — definitely drifting.

I am pretty sure, God, that my Body loves it. Gosh, now that I think about it, I have been Very Purposeful for most of my life. My Mind — which loves dichotomies — wants to suggest that if I am not “purposeful,” I must be aimless. And, that would be the opposite. But, that sort of either/or thinking strikes me as quite judgmental.

I don’t feel aimless. I feel as if I am being carried by a Current that hasn’t yet chosen to share our direction. Ah, God, Continuums are lovely things to drift in! Thank You!

Posted in Continuums, Possibilities, rest, small mysteries

Stress Reduction: Think SMALL

Posted on June 28, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Our New Key Hooks

Good Morning, God!

After pondering BIG social structures, I thought it might be productive to ponder some VERY SMALL stress reducing changes.

This is our most recent “structural” change, God. For some time I have hung my keys on the key hook at the right. It worked fairly well.

I had tried to get Kit to have a place for his keys — without success. But, in a little shop in Kennebunkport, Maine, I saw this fish key hook and bought it! When we got home, I asked Kit where would he like it. We realized it had to be placed just as we got up the stairs from our garage below. Of course, God, we needed it CLOSE to the garage! We had been trying to get our keys UP to the second floor! That was just too far for us on some days.

Gosh, God, that sounds pitiful — but that’s the way it is. Realizing our limitations, we are both doing better at “remembering” where are keys go and where they are!

Now I am going downstairs to fetch the coffee I just made and take it back up to bed. That is another small “stress reducing” change we instituted many months ago — having our first cup of coffee together in bed.

As a stress preventer it is even better than our repositioned key hooks. Normally, Kit is The Coffee Maker, God, but he is still having a bit of vertigo so I am filling in. Like the key hook placement, it’s a matter of proximity. Chatting, right next to each other, is quite different than chatting at a table.

Posted in Changing, slow incremental change, Stress

What’s wrong with this picture: Part Two

Posted on June 27, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Good Morning, God!

This morning, out of the blue, Kit asked me about Queen Marie Antoinette and her remark about “Let them eat cake.” Was she being sarcastic? he asked.

I did a double take, then thought about it, and replied, “No, she just couldn’t imagine that bread was all that poor people had to eat and that without bread they starved.” The more I thought, the more I realized that there was a total disconnect between the top 1% and the bottom half. It was Abysmal ignorance. And I fear ignorance is endemic to the people at the top.

Actually, God, looking at these graphs comparing average household income and share of income in 1979 and 2007, it hits me that I, too, have been abysmally ignorant. I’m peering at the graph above right. Does it REALLY say that 80% of Americans have a substantial smaller share of America’s wealth than they did in 1979? The bottom 40% of us are WAY DOWN? IT DOES! Dang! That is quite a drop! Let’s look at another graph to double check.

Sheesh! This graph is even worse! I can barely see those two blue lines on the right that represent the bottom 40% of Americans. I see Dan Ariely who wrote Predictably Irrational is involved in the study that showed what Americans THINK the economic reality is. Hmm. It looks like my abysmal ignorance is widely shared.

This is from the article, “It’s the Inequality, Stupid,” in Mother Jones. I don’t think “inequality” is quite the right word, God. Inequality makes it sound like children squabbling over who got the bigger piece of cake.

This looks pretty darn STRUCTURAL to me, God! In fact, it looks a bit unstable. Sigh. It looks as if, maybe, we’ve been looking at “profits” when looking at “the Prophets” might be more instructive.

Posted in a matter of scale, caring for the widows and orphans, Haves and Have Nots

A Day at Home — in Dry Dock?

Posted on June 26, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking last night out our kitchen window

Good Morning, God!

A day at Home! I would like to go to the 7:00 a.m. church service . . . but My Whole Being cries Stay HOME.

Perhaps, this is because I am not back to full strength? Or maybe it is just that three Mainland trips in two months have made me into a homebody?

Are You Laughing, God? Perhaps I would weary of being home all the time. The “going out” from Home and the “coming back” brings to mind, God, a book by Dr. Archibald Hart calls Safe Haven Marriage. His point is that our Home should be just that — a Safe Haven — free of criticism and stress. In my mind, I’ve been calling it Safe Harbor. I guess I’m thinking of boats returning at the end of the work day to a safe harbor.

It sounds so OBVIOUS, God, when I think about it — the idea of Home being a place where we are Safe, Secure, and Protected. Hmm. Dr. Hart is talking about marriage — but, what about people living alone, God? How does one go about setting up the “Breakwaters” and “Wharfs” that make for a safe and productive Home Harbor?

Ah, perhaps, that is why so many cultures have “A Sacred Space” in their homes? A “place” that is set aside for You — or set aside to acknowledge You? Hmm. There is a quote from author J.K. Rowling about the good thing about hitting rock bottom is that it makes a good foundation for the rest of our lives. You ARE my foundation, God — my Context.

I do feel secure and loved — but it also seems to me that You run a Dry Dock — as well as a Safe Harbor. And, yes, it does feels as if I need to have barnacles removed — please, God!

Posted in accepting my need for help, asking for and accepting forgiveness, asking for help for myself, being FORGIVEN by God, being repotted, Maintenance

Kawai’nui Marsh, Maintenance and My Wetlands

Posted on June 25, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Kawai'nui Marsh with birds in flight

Good Morning, God!

Such a lovely day, yesterday! While I was driving a friend over to Kailua for our haircuts, she asked if we could check out an upholstery shop. We stopped, Googled, called, drove down a very narrow lane — and there it was.

My friend was happy visiting the upholstery shop. And I was surprised and thrilled finding Kawai’nui Marsh at the end of the lane. I had heard about the marsh and its maintenance troubles. But I had never seen it.

I had no idea that wetlands could be so beautiful, God! I took over 30 photos from various angles. And, “Thank You” for my good luck in catching these two birds in flight. That was a special treat!

The early Hawaiians’ used the marsh for flood control as we do today and they also used it for fish ponds and irrigation control for the taro beds. According to Kailua historical records, “About 500 years ago, early Hawaiians maintained the freshwater fishpond in Kawai’nui, which was joined by a stream to nearby Ka’elepulu Pond (Enchanted Lake). The fishpond was surrounded on all sides by a system of canals (‘auwai) bringing water from Maunawili Stream and springs to walled taro lo’i.”

The Department of Land and Natural Resources is responsible for keeping the marsh free of “trees” and maintaining the canal out to the ocean. Recently the levees were raised. Sediment keeps coming, doesn’t it God.

It makes me think of the “waterways” of my life. I, too, need to be aware of “trees” taking root and of canals needing dredging. Busy-ness — carrying countless small tasks and duties — does deposit silt in my waterways. Perhaps, God, You use “illness” as an opportunity for “dredging?”

Posted in healing, Maintenance, Removing the Root of Bitterness, responsibility

Kahuku Farms and our Nature Deficit Disorder

Posted on June 24, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Kahuku Farm with a wind farm behind it

Good Morning, God!

Yesterday I went with my Book Group out to Kahuku Farm. Driving around the island brought back memories. It isn’t a trip I make very often and the drop in population density always catches me by surprise.

So much land. So few people. I forget, God, that almost all of us used to Live on the Land. We used to be farmers. I think it was sometime around 2008 when the balance tipped so that over half the people of our world now live in Cities.

I wonder, God, if we humans don’t become, somehow, a Slightly Different Species when we live in Cities? I’m thinking of the stories of the Country Bumpkins . . . thinking of the Street Smart kids of the inner city who can name countless product logos but not one species of plant. Hmm.

The latest Nature Conservancy Magazine has an article called A Leaf Grows in Brooklyn and in it they talk about “Nature Deficit Disorder.” That’s a term coined by Richard Louv and it resonates in me, God!

Meanwhile, back at Kahuku Farm we were met by a lovely young couple who drove us on a tour of the farm. We saw taro being raised for the leaves. We saw bananas — lots of banana growing in “mats” that can produce for ten years. But they require monthly maintenance. I never knew how much I didn’t know about the food I eat.

Our Tour Guide was Third Generation in this farming family — but she had never lived on the farm. Somehow she seemed to be the best of both the City and the Land people. She gave me HOPE, God!

Posted in helping farmers, so much to learn, web of life

What’s Wrong With This Picture? Part One

Posted on June 23, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Change in employment among major industrial countries 2007-2010Good Morning God!

Good Morning, God!

A dear friend sent me an article entitled “All Work and No Pay: The Great Speedup.” Apparently, American companies aren’t rehiring as much as companies in other countries. Instead the focus is on “getting more work” out of each worker.

What could be wrong, God, with America being the most productive per worker country in the world?

The article points out — “Except [that] what’s good for American business isn’t necessarily good for Americans. We’re not just working smarter, but harder. And harder. And harder, to the point where the driver is no longer American industriousness, but something much more predatory.”

Predatory is a strong word. But, all of a sudden I am seeing this in a Spiritual Dimension. I am Re-evaluating the Sabbath, God!

Societies share common norms — and it is important that the norms enhance and strengthen the people. For many hundreds of years the norm was that No One was to work on the Sabbath Day. That meant one full day of rest — or play — out of every seven.

When that broke down — the church in America making do with only nine commandments — a very strong protective bulwark was lost. It’s interesting, God, that although Europeans are more secular than Americans they seem to be much better at observing a Sabbath Tradition.

Jesus DID say that the Sabbath was made for Man — not Man for the Sabbath. The “compulsory” Day of Rest was designed for our benefit. Actually, I’m certain that ALL TEN Commandments were intended as Protective Bulwarks!

As a person TRYING to retire a second time, God, I know — Work gets all entangled in Identity and Worth. We need protective bulwarks, God!

Posted in sabbath rest, Work

Countless Opportunities, Waiting to be Seen

Posted on June 22, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Patient Pickup Point at Queen Medical Center

Good Morning, God!

I took Kit in early yesterday morning for his out-patient surgery. It required general anesthesia — which opens the door to untoward possibilities. It certainly opened me up to fears — just barely held at bay.

But Kit is recovering nicely — and so am I. THANK YOU, God!

Operations, Illnesses and Losses serve to put things “into perspective” — making it clear just how important our Loved Ones are.

How is it, God, that daily duties and tiny tasks can so easily seize our attention and swallow us up?

How indeed? So, once again, I am resolving to better enjoy and appreciate my fabulous husband, family and family of friends that make my life a joy.

Easy to resolve, God. But what I need to do is change my behaviors. Change my Habits? This morning, God, I shall go for Wednesday Prayer and ask for prayer for me! Ask for Help in SEEING the countless small opportunities for change. Hmm. . . . Yes, God, I will ask for prayers for my rash on my upper chest and neck, too.

And, then, I shall come home.

Posted in a prayer for healing, accepting my ability to REDESIGN, accepting my need for help

Resting, Healing and Sharing

Posted on June 21, 2011 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sans Souci Beach as seen from the Hau Tree Lanai

Good Morning, God!

I am SO thankful for the four days sick at home resting and healing! My Body was healing as my Mind drifted. Mind and Body have to share, don’t they, God!

And Thank You for timing my bronchitis for the 30th anniversary of the week Patty died. I think I coughed out a lot of grief. I feel lighter. I feel good.

Funny how our Body remembers past traumas and dates with such precision. Funny, too, how a physical illness can often be used to prompt emotional healing. I feel as if my Body does more than its share.

You have given me ONE nervous system. It can run HOT as I HURRY hither and yon — or it can run COOL as I relax and my Body repairs itself. I can’t run both systems at the same time.

This morning at our Monday Breakfast we were laughing at politicians who keep thinking they can “get away” with things. But, my Mind keeps thinking it can get away with not sharing fairly with my Body. Honestly, God! It is painfully humbling to catch myself like that. Ah well.

Yesterday, I was well enough to venture out with Kit. We took flowers to Patty at the Oahu Cemetery and then we went to the Hau Tree Lanai for an early Anniversary lunch — then home for a nap.

Today I drive Kit in at 5:30 a.m.for his hydrocelectomy. So I shall be off in just a few minutes. Off — but doing my best to run COOL . . . trusting YOU with my precious husband.

Posted in healing, health, rest