A Gray Day with Dash of Courage

Posted on March 20, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Looking at Koko Crater from the Kahala

Good Day, God!

This view of Koko Crater is one of my favorite views on Oahu. And what would it be without the coconut palms! The colors here are not our usual bright blue and green . . . but the gray softens the image . . . and I like that. Come to think of it, I have definitely “softened” the image I have of myself. Hmm. Maybe “enhanced” would be a better word.

For example, today I finally had the courage to even think about transferring and redoing my website. Aiee! I have been terrified even to look at it. Too many options! Too many ways to approach it! Too many ideas swirling in my brain!

Fortunately, our house guest Ann is still here — so I pressed her into service as a Second Brain. I do so appreciate the importance of Second Brains! I guess that the second person must act as the outrigger on the canoe — keeping it from capsizing.

I do know that I would not have even considered starting this Huge Project if I didn’t have her here to help. Now that I have begun and established a beachhead it is actually becoming fun. Too bad my fear kept me from asking for help at the start of her visit!

Dang! I think the bigger problem is that I PUSH the things I am afraid of DOWN, down below consciousness. That way I can view myself as “brave.” Ha! I am not brave at all. And, I am not sure that I even want to be all THAT brave.

What I do want is to know what I am avoiding! Mostly I am avoiding and burying stuff because I don’t know what to do or what to say. If I could bring the situation up to the surface I could ask others for ideas . . . I could pray about it!

Tagged with: a second brain, courage, fear, Koko Crater
Posted in courage, fears

Shedding the Superwoman Illusion

Posted on March 19, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A Walkway under an arch of Hau Trees looking toward Sans Souci beach

Good Day, God!

My Life is beginning to feel like this lovely Hau Tree walkway. There is time to stop, take photos, appreciate the beauty all around me. I am Walking, not Running. It is Wonderful!

Of course, first I had to stop valuing SPEED and PRODUCTIVITY. That was not easy, God. In fact, I guess it happened slowly — over time — no doubt with Your help. I say that because folks stuck in addictions need Your Help!

Turning our lives over to a Higher Power? I don’t suppose You fret too much about what we call You, God. After all, You are looking at our Hearts — looking WAY beyond Words!

And now I am honestly puzzled as to why it took me so long to slow down and do less. Why, indeed!

Maybe because I was born around the same time Superman was created? I did grow up listening to Faster than a Speeding Bullet . . . able to Leap Tall Buildings in a Single Bound!

I’m smiling, God. I realized a few years ago that while I was still (in my own mind) leaping tall buildings in a single bound, landing was getting harder and harder! Ah, but I thought I just had to TRY HARDER.

Now, I am working at building in recovery time. In May, after returning home across 11 time zones, I am going to do NOTHING for several days! I will just block that time off on my calendar.

Wow! I am actually starting to stop pretending to be Superwoman and beginning to take care of myself!

Tagged with: Illusions, recovering from an addiction to busy, retirement, Sans Souci Beach, Superman, Superwoman
Posted in rest, slow incremental change, time

Fountains, Water and Our Hearts

Posted on March 18, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Dillingham fountain with Diamond Head in the background

Good Day, God!

I was so happy to see that the Dillingham fountain has finally been renovated. For many months it had yellow patches showing as they worked to restore it. I took photos anyway.

Now here it is, looking just pristine, with it’s new white coat!

Still, God, fountains without water are so Empty! So Functionless!

It makes me think, God, of how some people manage to DO everything RIGHT

Dillingham Fountain at night in 2010

— having a clean coat of white paint — but lack the free flowing water — the Living Water. Actually, I think trying too hard to be “right” may very well block that Water of the Spirit. Sigh. By that, I don’t mean that we shouldn’t try to be good people. We should try to love You and to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

I guess what I meant, God, was what St. Paul talked about when he said that we have this Treasure in fragile clay pots. We are nothing fancy. No need for us to dress up in fancy robes, God, because it isn’t about us. It is about YOU. I find that vastly comforting.

Hmm. Perhaps not totally comforting as You do look on our Hearts. But, maybe even then You are not looking for a perfectly clean and tidy heart but a Heart of Flesh — a tender heart that is easily broken over the sorrows of this world.

Please help me remember, God, that simply giving a cup of water to a thirsty person is something well worth doing.

Tagged with: Dillingham Fountain, fragile clay cups, Hearts of Flesh, living water
Posted in Hearts, water and love

Unexpected Delight

Posted on March 17, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Living Fireworks -- a plant I didn't even like -- until the Light hit it.

Good Day, God!

This plant has a bulbous lump at the bottom of it’s trunk and I have never liked it. So, God, I was stunned when I saw it in the full sun — the light made it look like a living fireworks — albeit static.

I love unexpected sights. Could it be that’s why we love to travel, God? Seeing things that surprise and delight us? Actually, my ordinary routine world seems full enough of sights that delight.

In the middle of the week, my husband Kit, suggested that we go and look at the conjunction of Jupiter and Venus in the Western Sky. We walked toward the park that’s behind us — scanning the sky. NOTHING!

Jupiter and Venus -- when we saw them they were equally bright and on the same level -- looking like headlights.Photo from Deanspace

Well, not nothing, there were lots of clouds. We stood and peered for several minutes. We did see Orion’s Belt overhead. (Anyone interested in just WHO Orion was can click here. But, that was it.

We turned to walk home. But, I slipped off the sidewalk and turned back for another look. There they were! They really did look like a pair of headlights coming toward us! I didn’t have a camera with me, God. I guess because I didn’t expect it to be so dramatic. I wish I had a photo that did them justice!

But, all of this is just to say Thank You, God! Thank You for all the interesting and delightful things in life.

Tagged with: Deanspace, Jupiter and Venus conjunction
Posted in Curiosity, delight

Interacting with Art — or are they Entings?

Posted on March 16, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A new "stickwork" creation by sculpture Patrick Dougherty on the lawn of the Honolulu Museum of Art.

Good Day, God!

This intriguing Stickwork graces the lawn of the Honolulu Museum of Art. I’d previously seen Stickwork on Maui at the Hui No’eau’s Kaluanui Estate. These Honolulu stickwork are creations of sculptor Patrick Dougherty. Remarkable!

I sense in these, God, some Creature from a Bygone Age. I thought of Ents and then, well no, maybe Entings? But some living creatures, surely? Ah, God, author J.R.R. Tolkien would know!

I like that. And I liked walking

Peering out of a Stickwork Creature.

inside them — and peering out of them. I felt as if I were in a sort of “living” tree house.

On a more mundane level, God, it made me remember that peasants in Europe lived in daub and wattle huts. Hmm. I just read that daub and wattle construction has been used since neolithic times and on most continents. Of course, Patrick’s “wattle” is ART.

Still, I can’t help picturing them covered with “daub” and set in some exotic locale. Is that just me, God? Or do women tend to look for places to set up housekeeping? Ah well. It was a joy to interact with this stickwork creation.

Thank You, God, for Art that delights and surprises and stimulates our imaginations.

Tagged with: Entings, Honolulu Museum of Art, Patrick Dougherty, Stickwork
Posted in Creating, imagining

Prayer: Talking but not Listening

Posted on March 15, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Lightening in Lanikai by John Endicott

Good Day, God!

Oh BOY! The electrical storms we had last week were spectacular! It made me remember lightening storms at my grandfather’s family cabin in the San Bernardino Mountains in California where the lightening was practically in our laps!

But, I’ve seen nothing but sheet lightening in Hawaii for many years. I’d forgotten how lightening bolts really get our attention, God. It’s no wonder folks thought You were the one tossing them down from Heaven. You DO have ways of getting our attention!

Just this afternoon, I was wondering if You wanted my attention. I was kind of hoping You didn’t. I guess I shouldn’t confess that, God. But, hey! No secrets from YOU!

It’s just that I am very comfortable now. I’m feeling VERY Fortunate, Very Content. Somehow the idea of “hearing from You” is deeply unsettling. It makes me appreciate Abraham who set out on a journey to a place he didn’t know — because You told him to go.

Peace Pilgrim 1980 Hawaii

Funny! I just thought of Peace Pilgrim. This was a woman who walked all over America wearing the words Peace Pilgrim on her jacket or tunic. And she started this in 1953 when the cold war was at it’s worst.

As a pacifist, vegetarian, and peace activist, she walked for 28 years. She stopped counting in 1963 when she hit 25,000 miles. Amazing! And I think quite admirable.

Actually, since we now think peace is possible — unlike the 1950’s when some were pressuring President Eisenhower to do a “preventive” first strike on the U.S.S.R. — we probably don’t grasp how much fortitude it took for her to do this.

Yes, I guess it is people like her who make me worry about hearing You. I feel like a kid in school who doesn’t know the answer and doesn’t want to be called on so she doesn’t look at the teacher. That’s ME!

Tagged with: a moment with God, Lightening Bolts, lightening bolts from Heaven, Peace Pilgrim
Posted in adoring Easy, listening, Peace, Prayer

Self Care / Self Respect

Posted on March 14, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

A relatively tidy room

Good Day, God!

I’m still pondering Self-Care. And I’m thinking about how Self-Respect might enter into the mix. I do know that when my plants aren’t cared for, when I forget my vitamins, when my checkbook has fallen behind, when my office is a mess — I’m down on myself — and my sense of self-respect suffers.

So for me Self-Respect is a result of caring for myself — and taking care of the plants and the people that are “in my life.” Plants are fairly easy — they turn brown and droop to get your attention.

People are not so easy. I remember when it dawned on me, God, that my unconscious credo was: Needing Help is Failing. Asking for Help is Cheating. I know a lot of people like that. I guess, God, that I am still one of them. I love helping. But, it is hard for me to accept help — or accept that I really NEED to ask for help.

Self-sufficiency is important to me. But, I think, God, that we are designed to be part of an interdependent whole. Indeed, I feel we are “healthiest” when we are reaching out and helping others — helping them help themselves. I know that supporting Advocates for Africa’s Children an 501(3)c, working to help orphans and their caregivers in rural Swaziland, brings me deep satisfaction.

I guess, God, that it takes humility to ask for help — and it takes hope to give help. One person, helping one other person, is enough of a start! Hmm. A Humble Spirit and a Hopeful Heart. Sounds like two ingredients of Self-Care to me.

Tagged with: a moment with God, Advocates for Africa's Children, interdependence, self-care, self-respect
Posted in hope, humility, web of life

Self-Care — I’m Adding Self-Stretching

Posted on March 13, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Hibiscus seen on a walk up the Hahaione Valley

Good Day, God!

Aaah! A Day of Self-Care! I started with the indulgence of heavy cream in my coffee and a little dark (72%) chocolate. Please, God, help me not make this a habit!

The afternoon and evening were more about the discipline of “keeping at it!” I am so thankful to our house guest, Ann, who is visiting from Dallas. She has been very patiently working as what Judith Kolberg calls a Body Double and what I call a Body Anchor.

Being fairly ADD I NEED an anchor — gently tugging me back to task. Together we got two plastic bins more or less prepared for handing over for possible archival purposes. In my JOY at retiring I did toss a few things. But, now I will turn all the rest of my files over for someone else to toss.

Then this morning there was my jewelry class. Today I worked on having a Growth Mindset! That is also known as “appreciating failures” as absolutely necessary practicing. Once I let go of the Produce a Product mindset I actually had a very good time. And, I did finally succeed in getting a bezel setting ready for next week.

Because of the jewelry class, I’m adding a new category — Self-Stretching to Self-Care. It joins self-indulgence and self-discipline. The jewelry class — metal fabricating — is definitely stretching. I’m repeating the course and now I am starting to actually learn. I think the first semester was just in getting familiar with the tools and procedures — like learning to light the blow torch without jumping!

Self-Stretching can be learning something challenging. Or it can be doing something hard or maybe even scary. Hmm. I just thought about how I need to stretch my body, too, God.

I like this category, God. I especially like having Self-Stretching be part of Self-Care! Hmm. Maybe tomorrow I’ll add Self-Respect to my Self-Care Cluster.

Tagged with: ADD, appreciating failures, Body Anchor, Body Double, self-care, self-discipline, self-indulgence, Self-Stretching
Posted in learning, self care as maintenance, Self-Respect

Self Care — I’m Exploring it

Posted on March 12, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

The Snow Monkeys of Japan enjoying a natural hot tub

Good Day, God!

Self care was never something I thought much about. That is not to say that I have not been taken care of!

After our daughter Patty died many years ago, I got a lot of care. One friend started walking with me twice a week. Another friend got me to join her in starting a women’s Wednesday Morning Prayer Group. Still another friend and I started having breakfast once a week and then our husbands couldn’t resist joining us. Kit and I have both been blessed by that.

Gosh, God, all of these activities are still continuing — all these years later. And they are Major Supports in my life. Thank You, God. And also, many thanks to those dear friends!

Still, as I looked at these Japanese Snow Monkeys, God, I was envious. All day in a hot pool — chatting or zoning out — surrounded by good friends and beautiful snow. Aaah. A soak in an epsom salts bath isn’t quite the same. But, it is a step forward.

I just finished eating dinner, God, and as I was recounting to Kit that I was blogging on Self Care he replied, “Self-Indulgence?”

Well, YES! Self-Indulgence is part of it, God. But, oddly enough Self-Discipline is the other side of Self Care. I am learning that I need both self-indulgence AND self-discipline to take good care of my dear self.

When I haven’t gotten my paperwork and my finances under control, I am bothered. And time spent tidying and organizing my desk feels good. This IS self care. And so is time doing floor exercises and weights.

But I also need naps, tub soaks with pikaki flower bath salts, retreats, time reading, and the occasional massage. And, oh yes, a wee square of very dark chocolate every now and then.

Tagged with: self-care, self-discipline, self-indulgence, snow monkeys of Japan
Posted in Abundant Life, encourage and comfort, self care as maintenance, self care as self compassion and humility, Self-Respect

Wheat — only the Name is the Same

Posted on March 11, 2012 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Bread made with non-hybridized wheat

Good Day, God!

I’ve heard about the “Green Revolution” for years. Norman Borlaug, the creator of the hybridized short stalk sturdy wheat, won the Noble Peace Prize in 1970. The new wheat produced ten times the yield.

How Wonderful! I thought, and I didn’t think anymore about it until I got a Prevention Magazine flyer in the mail for a book called, Wheat Belly.

Wheat Belly by William Davis, MD

Yes, God, that title DID get my attention. Bellies are BIG nowadays! And mine is bigger than I would like. Although, I’m pretty sure it would be even BIGGER if I hadn’t been on a mostly NO GRAIN eating plan for years.

But, my zeal has slipped and my waist has grown. So, I bought the book. YIKES!

I’m only half-way though it but what I have learned is disturbing. It turns out to be a matter of unintended consequences. It’s another case of the Same Name but totally Different Food.

It seems that the hybridized wheat has more amylopectin C in it, which leads it to increase blood sugar faster than almost any other carbohydrate. The new wheat is a super-carbohydrate.

But, it isn’t just the sugar problem. It seems that there are factors in the wheat that prompt it to create allergic reactions and trigger celiac disease. Oh, and it is able to cross the blood brain barrier and connect to the opiate receptors in the brain. It’s addictive, God. And it is making us fat.

Of course, our government is still pushing a low-fat, whole-grain diet. Not Dr. Davis. He says two slices of whole grain bread are like a can of soda pop. He recommends cutting out wheat cold turkey!

He points out that after a few months of living wheat-free, reintroducing it “provokes undesirable effects ranging from joint aches to asthma to gastrointestinal distress.” Hmm. It sounds like the bodies got well enough to protest.