Hello to 2015

Posted on December 31, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Sunset over Hawaii Kai

Good Morning, God!

The last day of 2014 and I am looking forward to a New Year! Not that I haven’t learned from the — soon to be — old year. I have. It is just that mostly I learned how much more growing I have yet to do.

Yes, God, that is a big step forward! I know that. I am just much slower at feeling good about it.

After all, I have years of conditioning to value successes and to be judgmental of failures. So, I am still working at turning that value system right side up — and valuing my mistakes.

Aurgh! You really want me to confess my biggest mistake? Sigh. I think my biggest mistake has been to avoid even thinking about my problems (unwanted responsibilities and unpleasant stuff) and numbing out on historical novels and solitaire games. Escaping, as it were, from this amazing life You have given me.

Talk about a really big mistake! So, what has changed? Well, I have a lot more HOPE now. I have hope in looking back over last year and seeing just how much things have improved. I also have more hope because our oldest daughter has recommended specific supplements that have helped us both physiologically. And both of our daughters are there for us . . . as we try to be there for them.

Gosh, God, a loving family is a really BIG reason to hope! Family and friends are a big help in getting me to face forward into the New Year and into much more personal responsibility.

One more “help” for the New Year is the reframe I’m doing on Personal Responsibility. I used to sort of see it as a burden. But, it is becoming clear to me that Personal Responsibility is the KEY to Freedom! The Key to a better life . . . to fuller use of the Life You have given me. Thank You, God, for 2014 AND for a New Year!

Posted in a New Year, connecting, Failure as Teacher, Families, learning, Mistakes, responsibility

The Really Big Gift of Life

Posted on December 28, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

A winter morning in Waikik

Good Morning, God!

It’s a chilly morning here in Honolulu — 64 degrees! People in the Midwest would laugh. They have perspective that we in Hawaii lack. Hmm. Perhaps the entire Western World lacks perspective. We have so much . . . but how much time do we spend being aware, thankful, grateful?

When I worked at a retirement residence, helping people learn to use the Internet, I came to realize that LIFE is such a big gift that we can loose a lot . . . and still find life a big gift.

I hear a small voice saying, “What about pain?” Well, Yes, God, what about pain? Are You saying that pain, like fear, is a gift to alert us — to warn us, to get us to turn, to change direction, and possibly cry out for help?

The Body Keeps The Score

Hmm. I tend to deny and deaden pain . . . and especially fears. So it is hard for me to reframe pain and fear as a Warning, a Wake Up Call. I am having a hard time taking charge of my self. It’s hard to imagine that I can respond in some way other than to repress, ignore or fret.

I have been pondering, God, the deep pains and sorrows of trauma. I am part way into The Body Keeps The Score by van der Kolk. And I can hardly wait to get to the later parts where he describes practices that may help us heal.

But, of course, God, to heal means to go INTO the pain . . . to face the fear. And then to grab on to hope with both hands and dare to imagine another layer of healing!

Yes, Life is a gift — and it can be an even bigger gift than I can imagine. But, I must do the hard work of unwrapping it! Please help me remember that I need not do it alone!

Tagged with: Fears, healing, help, hope, pain, traumas
Posted in Books, connecting, fears, going THROUGH the sorrow, healing, health, hope

Dragons — Healing, Forgiving and more Healing

Posted on December 12, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

My Inner Dragon

Good Morning, God!

Over the last few weeks I’ve become much more aware of my Inner Dragon. I’ve known, God, how all we humans have a part of our brain that’s called The Reptilian Brain. But, it was a shock to realize that part of my brain was no sluggish lizard — it was a Dragon!

I had awaken with a dream in which I was threatening a person in my dream with horrible consequences if he didn’t do what I wanted. Yikes! It has been a long time since I have had such focused anger. It was scary! And it gave me a whole new appreciation of the Hard Work of Forgiving!

Just the day before I had read about our need to “wipe the slate clean” and forgive. After my dream it was clear to me that forgiving this person was gong to be much more like persuading a Dragon to hand over a Gold Ring. I know the gold ring is poison . . . my dragon thinks it precious.

Clearly, God, I need Your Help in taming — or at least training — my dragon. You left it in us for reasons . . . we need its Life Force . . . its Energy . . .

But I am becoming aware that Dragons HARM one another. Actually, God, the word Traumatize is surfacing. And Big Wounds — traumas — need healing.

Perhaps, when we have such a hard time getting ourselves — our dragons — to forgive — perhaps we should ask if they need healing? Wounds, like pearls, are richly layered. Hurts, traumas, hate, anger — pile up — creating complex lumps, like shrapnel, stuck in our Emotional Bodies.

You, God, are our Creator! Please help us come to You for healing . . . for full Health!

Tagged with: Dragons, Emotional Bodies, forgiving, Healing Traumas, Layered lumps of grief and anger, Shrapnel, Wounds
Posted in Anger, connecting, Expand my Heart, Forgiving, Grief, healing

Apple and Asking for Help

Posted on December 6, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Apple Icon

Good Evening, God!

Here I am in a world of increasing technology . . . increasing complexity . . . and thank goodness, I am learning to Ask for Help!

Today I called the Apple folks to find out why my iPhone’s bluetooth wasn’t discovering my UE mini boom speaker. A small problem as I could use my iPad. Still, I wanted it to work the way it should.

It took the help of an Apple senior engineer who actually thought to read the FAQ on the UE website. Yes, God. I am sure I could have done that myself . . . I could have, had I thought of doing it. But I was raised inside an Expert/Apprentice model of education. I went to school and was taught by people who “knew” or at least we all thought they knew. I wasn’t raised to explore for an answer.

Now, we are a quite different environment: A New Complexity fueled by Rapid and Accelerating Change. So, it is hard to find “authorities” nowadays. In fact, we are in a New Educational Paradigm of Heuristic Learning. Trial and Error . . . try this, try that and most of all keep on trying.

It’s a vastly different mental landscape. And in this landscape Apple is offering help. An excellent call desk and unlimited classes at their stores for $99 a year. Amazing! Yes, I have to pay something . . . but it’s a bargain! It is wonderful to have people who know more than I do and who want to help. And, it makes me feel good to know that they don’t know everything and they have to ask for help, too.

Hm. I’m thinking, God, that You want to help us, too. I surely need Your Help . . . I want to ask You for help . . . please help me remember to ask You — and keep on asking!

Tagged with: Apple, asking for help, complexity, heuristic learning, trial and error
Posted in complexity, connecting, humility, learning, Persistence, Prayer

A Coral Tree and Caring People

Posted on December 2, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

blossoms on an alive coral tree — found on a morning walk

Good Afternoon, God!

What a delight to find a healthy coral tree! There used to be so many of them . . . blooming every January. The first flowering tree of the year. Then came a small invasive wasp . . . and it killed the coral trees. I thought that ALL were gone! I do hope the wasps don’t find this one.

This makes think me of chestnut trees — mostly gone due to a blight. But a ranger told me that every so many years the roots of the trees send up a shoot to see if it’s time to come back. I find that amazing! And a very special testimony to the importance of roots. Unseen, living in the dark damp earth and supporting the whole tree — and capable even of hoping!

There are people like that too, God. Good solid, hard-working and caring people. They are doing tedious routine jobs — collecting garbage, cashiering, filling pot holes — jobs that make all the rest possible. I’m thankful for the kind loving roots of our society.

I saw a wonderful quote years ago: “A society that prefers mediocre philosophy to decent plumbing will soon find that neither its philosophies nor its pipes hold water.” Although, in our time I guess it is venture capitalists and entrepreneurs that have the respect . . . certainly more than philosophers.

a coral tree and Koko Crater

This morning, I went to Dr. Boyer for MOHS surgery on a small basal cell cancer just above my lip. And he had four nurses who in rotation took care of me at each step. Explaining and warning me before each action — going slow, to avoid pain and surprises. Their care transformed the experience into one of being cared for — instead of just being cut up.

Ah, God, would that we all showed that root-like care and support for one another.

Tagged with: Caring, coral trees, roots, supporting
Posted in Caring, Compassion, connecting

Keeping on — Keeping on Growing

Posted on November 19, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

aguaro and turn in the road

Good Morning, God!

I am still here in Tucson –but now I am with my wonderful daughter Sandy and our son-in-law Dave — as well as grandson Ian.

Such a RICH family time. Thank You, God for families . . . people I love enough for You to be able to use them as levers in changing me.

I must say, God, that You nailed me the other day when You pointed out that I am the Oldest member of the Family and therefore all or any changes MUST begin with me.

Me? YES! ME!

Dang!

Who knew that Life would keep on and on requiring more of me? I am coming nose to nose with the reality that at no point will I be done. The question always is — Here’s what is. How am I going to respond? What am I going to say and do? And will I remember to ask You first — before I speak or act?

I am grateful for very small steps. I am learning that Speaking the Truth in Love — is about loving myself enough to speak truth about myself — not so much about others. Being vulnerable means depending on You to help me deal with what might follow.

Please, God, keep on helping me! PLEASE take my “Mother Heart” and give her Humility! Help me entrust my Heart — and the Loved Ones in my Heart to YOU.

And, thank You, God, that my problems are pretty darn small. Please help me remember that. Please help me praise You for the problems I have!

Tagged with: challenges, growing, Mother Heart, praise, speaking the truth in love, trust
Posted in accepting my need for help, becoming the change I wish to see, being a Slow Learner, Belonging to each other, connecting, Families, family visits, Hearts, Helpful Hards

Thoughts on Shifting Time and Learning Names

Posted on November 12, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Thimble Peak in morning light in north east Tucson

Good Evening, God!

Another lovely S L O W day here in Tucson. How is it, God, that we (well me and most of the working folks) lead such busy lives. Lives in which we rush from one To Do to the next.

This morning, my grandson Ian and I left for school 5 minutes earlier than we usually do. And mid-way through the drive I thought — gosh, this is so much more relaxing! Just five minutes early made everything better. Please help me, God, shift my time back 5 minutes!

But, on to this photo. I’m in Mark’s bedroom as he is away in college. And I love looking out his window at the Santa Catalina mountains. This photo of this peak is my favorite part of the lovely mountain range. And last week I discovered that the pointy “thimble shaped” peak had a name! Thimble Peak i I was delighted.

I think names are far more important that we realize. Names make us “findable” — they confirm our being-ness. You, God, know us all by name! And the Morning Stars are known by name. I even enjoy the small pleasures of knowing and using the names of the people working around me.

Then yesterday, while I was sipping my morning coffee outside and gazing happily at Thimble Peak I thought about how American mothers teach their children the names of nouns first, while Japanese mothers teach verbs first. An America mother might hand her child a ball and say BALL — while a Japanese mother would hand her child a ball and say I GIVE you the ball. Hmm. Might the emphasis on nouns make our culture a bit more THING focused?

Might I possibly be too thing focused?
Perhaps GIVE is a perfect “first” word to learn.
Please help me pray about that.

Tagged with: Being Early, busy, Giving, Names, Naming, Rushing, time, Timing
Posted in authority over my life, busy, busy as an attack strategy, connecting, recovery time, relaxation, rest

Valuing Slow . . . and Living it

Posted on November 8, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Cactus in sunlight

Good Afternoon, God!

I’ve been reading the story in Discover magazine about Dark Energy and the Accelerating Universe. My Goodness! Expanding faster?

Sigh, then there is me. I’m so slow to grow and make changes that I feel more like the Stones in this photo than the Cactus.

What was I thinking that life is about fast? Hmm. Fast has always been one of my favorite values. I was a sprinter as a young person — how I loved to run fast!

And, perhaps, it is part of what draws me to my wonderful husband, Kit, who is a marathoner. Given that he is a Lark and I am an Owl — he is an ant and I am a grasshopper — he listens to the music and I listen to the words . . . and so forth . . . it should be no surprise that I’m a sprinter and he is a

a saguaro with my grandson Ian down below

marathoner.

Now, having listed what I “am” I can see that because of Kit — and You too, God — I HAVE become more responsible. There HAS been growth. It’s just too slow for me to see or notice. It reminds me of the quote: “Permanence is unobservable change.”

So, being here in Tucson — alone with just my oldest grandson — I have had a chance to gradually relax into slow. I am loving it. I feel as if I am giving myself a chance to unfold and expand into something a little bit more.

This afternoon as Ian and I went for a walk in Sabino Canyon I found myself wondering just how old the very tall saguaro cacti were. It turns out they can live to 150 and grow to 40–60 feet. Saguaros continue to grow in measurable ways. Human growth isn’t so easy to measure or notice. But, I am hoping, God, that with Your help, we can keep on growing, too.

Tagged with: changing, expanding, fast AND slow, growing, life, saguaro, Unfolding
Posted in compassion to care for myself, Expand my Heart, interspecies contact, lying fallow

Traveling . . . and Trusting

Posted on October 28, 2014 by a moment with god — Leave a comment

Walking toward the Light — morning walk at Camp Mokuleia

Good Evening, God!

Ah, my suitcase is packed . . . I leave early Thursday . . . off this time without my wonderful husband, Kit. He has things to do at home. I will miss him, but I know he will be absorbed in training for the Honolulu Marathon in December. And I will have time with our daughters!

My stuff — which just got unpacked yesterday — is somewhat strewn about. Ah well. I may get everything all sorted out tomorrow — or maybe not. It’s only physical stuff. Meanwhile, the stuff inside me is more settled.

I was at our church’s annual Women’s Retreat this past weekend and I declared — after a fairly long period of wrestling with You, God — that I had settled in on trusting. That was true. And I was thankful. But, oh foolish me, God! Because it was not more than a day or two before another Concern rose up. I’m trying to give it to You, God, but worries are so sticky!

Of course, God. Life is designed to show us we need You and we need one another! Even though we worry, our lives are relatively safe and secure compared to other times and other places. We have so much to be thankful for! Yet, in the dead of night, worries circle.

I am learning to stop and take each fear to You. I want Your help in Releasing them. But, I also realize that there are Real Concerns that I need to seriously consider and pray over — pray for gifts of wisdom and gifts of knowledge. And, not just to pray by myself, but to speak my fears out loud — sharing them in prayers with others.

Fears seem to lose a lot of their power when we face them and name them. Sharing does seem to be part of the healing process.

Tagged with: praying, sharing, trust
Posted in connecting, fears, gratitude, Prayer, Praying together extemporaneously, Sharing, Trusting God

Sunrise in the East

Posted on October 7, 2014 by a moment with god — 1 Comment

Sunrise — over Maine waters — going into Bar Harbor

Good Evening, God!

This was sunrise this morning. Tomorrow will be too busy for photos . . . or at least blogs . . . as we rise early and leave the ship. We are off for home via Portland, Maine, Chicago, and San Francisco. We are checked in and soon I go to print off our boarding passes.

For the last 20 days or so we have lived as the 1% . . . hm . . I fear that in the world as a whole we ARE the 1%. Scary!

The good news is that we rest upon a vast interconnected web of technology and cooperation. And, that’s the bad news, too. We depend upon cooperation . . . and mutual trust . . . hopefully, even, good will. And they require effort to maintain.

Going from small town to village to small town — I have seen the power of Community. The Power that comes from caring for the group and not just the self. These communities have survived disasters of all kinds — and rebuilt . . . reinvented themselves.

Those are actually two kinds of ability: 1) to endure and hold on 2) to re-evaluate and reinvent. They are difficult to combine . . . or is it coordinate?

The first can be called stubborness . . . or resilience . . . or loyalty. The second one — the ability to reassess and recreate might be seen as disloyalty or being a quitter . . .

Sigh. While we NEED both abilities — they tend to distrust and disrespect each other. Like the gifts of the Left Brain and the Right Brain . . . the question is How Well Do They Work Together.

In truth . . . I guess, God, that all Virtues are balanced by an Opposite Virtue. BALANCE is the Key . . . and the Great Challenge.

And it seems — in the ongoing struggles to Change — what works best is wrapping Change Up in the Cloak of GOING BACK to our ROOTS . . . our TRADITIONS . . . our PAST. So. God, we are going home. My prayer request is that ALL of ME will respect, each other and cooperate together. With Your Help, Please!